Wilco (The Song): For Whom Them Bells Toll?

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manner of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

In late 1998, Wilco agreed to allow Reprise Records as a "once and once only" thing to take the song 'Can't Stand It' off their album 'Summerteeth' and attempt to make it radio-friendly.

It was to be a good-faith gesture towards Reprise who had otherwise granted Wilco artistic freedom on the 'Summerteeth' project (and 'Mermaid Avenue' and 'Being There').

The song was re-mixed, portions of the song were cut-- and bells were added.

The song was a flop.

Reprise refused to release 'Yankee Hotel Foxtrot', believing it wouldn't have success, and then fired Wilco.

The rest is, as they say, rock history.

Wilco (the Album) will open with Wilco (the song), described "as hooky and catchy a number as they've done in a long, long time".

I say it's the bells.

They're back. But Tweedy and Gang no doubt made their own call this go around. And even though no man is an island in and of itself, it begs for an explanation. Here's what I came up with:

1. A coincidental shot at one more catchy, radio-friendly single?

2. Ever the tricksters, its a playful, inside joke?

3. The middle finger to Reprise and all other Wilco-doubters?

4. Tweedy's hubris determined to make a hit using those goddamn bells?

5. In a mystically poetic, rock 'n roll twist, perhaps the bells were for Jay Bennet.

6. And then also, since we bothered to ask, for me and thee--Tweedy and the whole gang.

7. All of the above?

***Now after first listen, album officially in hand (and morning traffic jams proving good for something), the discussion with mortality seems to continue as an underlying theme throughout the album. Or if not mortality, the question of, "what it means to live."

Tweedy is one of the great song writer's of our time, and with Wilco (The Album) he writes an addendum to the great American story, projecting some synthesized and hard fought perspective regarding the deeper questions of life.

And while it isn't the sound, but rather the tone that makes this Wilco album distinct-- I find it innerly peaceful but not naive. Joyous at times--like Summer again on the landing, but instead of being kids, this time, you've got kids-- with the layers all that implies.

I admit I've covered some terrain with my Wilco albums. It almost puts a strain on my relationship with some of their music. (When you hear the song that got you through, you can't help being a little Pavlonian-- the eyes watering, instead of the teeth.)

And yet, we know from power-lifting, that when you work through the strain, you become stronger. And when a song comes your way like "Country Disappeared", which does for foreclosure what "War On War" does for death-- you realize Wilco has helped you do more than just carry your weight. They've helped give meaning.

Wilco (The Album) reminds us we always have "a lyrical shoulder to cry on", while presenting an album like a dappled early-summer afternoon in Illinois-- barbecue on the wind, a thematic transcendent synthesis of albums past. Strong in fundamentals, searching to rekindle buried, good things, perhaps thought lost.

America's National Pastime

Sports Illustrated broke the story last week that Alex Rodriguez, Baseball's brightest star, used steroids during three of the most productive years of his career.  

You got the sense that A-Rod was always MLB's golden boy.  

But his clean-cut Yankeeness, lack of a World Series ring--and Huge contracts-- made him an easy target for ridicule.  

And as much as I always kinda disliked the cut of A-Rod's jib, I realize now that I still believed--like a child--that he could break Barry Bonds home run record and save baseball.  

Now I hear things like, "oh yeah, the so-called National Pastime."

On NPR, yet another Sports Illustrated reporter broke the story of a Dominican named Esmailyn "Smiley" Gonzalez who signed a $1.4 Million minor league contract with the Washington Nationals in 2006 as a 16-year old and he hit .343 last year.

1.4 at 16?  .343?  Well gee whiz, maybe S-Gon will save the game!

Or maybe they'll call him "Smile-Gone", because it was then revealed that his real name is actually Carlos Lugo.  And he's 23.  

And juicing?  Why not?

Baseball is full of Liars, Juicers, Cheats, Scam Artists.  Desperate individuals, looking for any way to get ahead.    

And yet--because of that fact--don't give me that "America's so-called National Pastime" bullshit.  

Look around people.  If anything, now it should be "America's National Pastime Many-Fold".

And if life imitates baseball.  Just wait until America gets its hands on the list from UBS.

  

Just like A-Rod's anonymous urine sample, those famously anonymous Swiss Bank accounts are about to become public knowledge.  

From Salem to McCarthyism to Steroids and Tax-Evaders, lets face it-- our Puritanical roots love a good Witch hunt.  

Apocalypto Now

Heads rolled, still-beating hearts were torn out...

The chopping block was painted red last week with the jobs and livelihoods of 100,000 Americans.

The minions cheer. Will this sacrifice fulfill the Sun God's bloodthirst? Or do more heads need to roll?

This I pondered from the comfort of my leather sofa as I sat in amazement at how life sometimes resembles a Mel Gibson allegory.

Indeed the extended metaphors in Gibson's Mayan "Apocalypto" jungle--intended or not-- can be dragged like Jaguar Paw from his hut, through history and space time, from fiction into reality, and superimposed onto this very moment in history.

Next time its on HBO, watch it again-- the metaphors overlap as densely as the rainforest canopy. Some themes:

1. FEAR: Flint Sky explaining his philosophy to son Jaguar Paw, "fear is a sickness, it upsets your peace... strike it from your heart."

Mirrors FDR's famous "nothing to fear but fear itself" quote. A poignant message during scary and confusing economic times.

2. SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST: When Jaguar Paw does take a moment to clear his mind of fear, he finds strength and intuition.

And while he's subjected to the same fights, struggle and circumstances as everyone else, his intuition, at key moments, is what sets him apart--what saves him and his family.

As Emerson wrote of intuition in Self-Reliance, "A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within."

Also, you'll run your ass off and fight now and then, or die, so have endurance and get tough.

3. THE UNKNOWN UNKNOWNS: For all of our personal struggles, there might be systems in place (like the Mayan calender) that allow the smarter men at the top of the pyramid to know more or less exactly when and how the Sun (or almighty dollar) will cycle back to full glory, and this gyrating mass shuddering with very real emotion may simply be collateral damage.

All well and good for the high priests, but no one, no one, is prepared for the Spanish Armada, carrying cross and influenza, that just dropped ancor on the course of human history...

What might be the Spanish Armada of our time? WWII was one. 9/11 was one. Stem cell research might find another? Perhaps something at the Large Hadron Collider?

Worth considering since those metaphorical Spanish Armadas are always washing up.

-----------------------------------------------------------

UPDATE: And before I could even proof read this and post it... Now its my turn.

I've been taken off salary, struck by COBRA, and moved to independent contractor. Not technically a job loss. But that puts me on my own and the mortgage will go unpaid in April unless I intuit my way out of this.

My name is Brian Deines. This is my jungle.

And I am not afraid.

Buy Me Some Penis And Crack: A Winter Ode To Fantasy Baseball

By the time the confetti falls on Super Bowl XLIII, one of the most desperate months in American History will have already begun for the men of this nation.

With everything going on in the world, America is about to enter a very dangerous time.

We need change, but change won't happen over night.

So until it does, more than anything, we need distraction.

Millions of American men winter their hardships suckling the opiate of the masses. Watching. Betting. Fantasy. Sporting.

Getting mindlessly lost at the bottom of a beer--and the top of the division.

That makes February the cruelest month: Our sweet nepenthe frozen within the creeping tick-tock of these long winter shadows.

A barren wasteland for sports junkies... nothing but bad college and worse NBA basketball.

Sustaining us alone, is the knowledge that eventually the shadows will creep no more. And the madness will come again...


And when it does, marched along by the ritual bracket dance and a week-long festival of green beer, the growing inner madness will chisel into a single clandestine midnight gathering known ominously as, 'The Draft'.

In dimly-lit caverns across the land, a mass Frankensteinian-experiment will unfold, as entire fantastic imaginary baseball teams, leagues, and seasons are created out of thin air.

We hold our creations dear. We name them. Rearrange them. Power-rank them.

The bottled-in ecstasy of now-forgotten winter culminates with the long-denied major league 'home opener'.

And thus, we are renewed.

With the 'home opener', according to tradition, we will not speak to our mates for the next 6 months.

Instead we devote our will to a single purpose. Worship of our hand-selected heroes. Our very own Mt. Olympus.

And with these Heroes we prepare for battle, starting one for each field position, three utilities, seven pitchers and six bench.

A week-long imaginary gladiatorial contest erupts wherein we match strength, speed, batting average and ERA with a worthy challenger.

Most of all, we match eachother's ability to transcend time--to read the strings of unseen dimensions. To read the future.

In the seventh inning of every game, we remind ourselves of this pledge to future and current synchronization with the ritualistic mantra, "I don't care if I ever go back."

And so--during the 26-week season--if we prove to have superior clairvoyance and be blessed with luck, we will be granted access to a special or 'post season' where we battle wits with increasingly fierce competitors.

In the end only two will remain.

This is where eternal glory is forged, a champion crowned, and myths written.

If the fantasy gods favour us, we will be crowned the victor and bask in Zeus' glory for six moons...


And yet... by the time the confetti falls on our Baseball Championship, the warrior in us is battle ready and already fixed on the next tournament-- Fantasy Football.

For we know thereafter, the shadows of winter are long and dark.

The More Perfect Union

With two million Americans on the Capital Mall to witness the moment when hope and history rhymed, the peaceful transfer of power and inauguration of Barack Obama as President of the United States signaled the beginning of a new era.

How, in the grand swath of World history, might the Obama Era be defined?

Three hundred or five hundred years from now, it is possible that the Barack Obama Era will share political context with, and serve as direct counterpoint to, Adolf Hitler and Nazi Germany.

The sixty years separating Hitler and Obama will dissolve with time, and their sharp polar-opposites will serve as thesis and antithesis to help focus and synthesize the discourse of World history, especially each man's remark on global human evolution.

Hitler believed and propagated the ancient doctrine of the Aryan "master race" as justification for genocide and Holocaust.

Obama, himself a man of color, emphasized a doctrine of inclusion and the declaration that "all men are created equal".

Hitler died fearing that his own blood might be tainted, while his faulty eugenics theory resulted in horrific slaughter, crimes against humanity, and the widely-held viewpoint that his very name coincides with evil.

Obama initially criticized for "not being black enough", has effectively assimilated his own melting pot of roots into such a strong unified identify, that notions of racial inequality were shattered the day he became the most powerful man in the world.

Both men captured audiences with their rhetorical style and both men roused great public passion.

Hitler did so in speeches by exhorting an even greater, somewhat manic, passion-- calming in archival video footage only to slick his hair back into place.

Obama, used passion precisely during his ascent to office, pragmatically shape-shifting between cool debater and passionate orator.

The penultimate showcase of his oratorical range was his much-anticipated inaugural address that many considered complex, if not solemn.

In it, Obama channeled the cadence and nuances of speech of Martin Luther King Jr., as he transitioned before our eyes from a cool/rapturous campaigner to a patriarchal and pragmatic leader.

Lastly, both men are influenced by a musical nationalism.

Hitler was heavily influenced by the tragic Operas of German composer and anti-Semite Richard Wagner.

Cultural Historians argue that the Third Reich and Hitler's destruction was informed, if not made inevitable, based on his self-selected contextual lens of Wagnerian tragedy.

Obama in turn, is influenced by the Blues tradition of his culture and ancestry (as showcased during the Presidential "first dance"-- a Beyonce Knowles rendition of the Etta James/ Chess Records standard "At Last").

Southside Chicago's Chess Records (owned and operated by Jewish immigrants Leonard and Philip Chess) begat along with James, blues musician Muddy Waters who wrote "Rollingstone", which influenced Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, who have in turn influenced billions-- including Barack Obama (Gimme Shelter), so on and so forth.

Blues, with descendants Jazz, Rock n Roll, Hip Hop, R&B, Soul, Reggae (and all of their offshoots), mirrors the melting pot of America.

Princeton Professor Cornel West wrote that The Blues, more than just music, is an emotion or sensibility, which like pragmatism, is deeply embedded in American history.

West states that the blues tradition informs a "tragicomic" sensibility-- born of the absurd cruelties African Americans faced during their time on this continent-- "to carry on in the face of absurdity, to see the lightness in the dark, and to confront the impossible--with creative energy."

Like the melting pot he embodies, Obama appears to have a personal more perfect union, developed not from the ease of being one thing, but through the burden of synthesizing many things into one.

And by becoming the most powerful man in the world, he now presents a new evolutionary model.

In July 2008, as he stood at Hitler's favoured monument to German supremacy, the Tiergarten Victory Column, Obama came to Germany with a message which, underemphasized during the general election, will now regain prominence-- World citizenship.

“Yes, there have been differences between America and Europe. “No doubt, there will be differences in the future. But the burdens of global citizenship continue to bind us together... In this new century, Americans and Europeans alike will be required to do more — not less. Partnership and cooperation among nations is not a choice; it is the one way, the only way, to protect our common security and advance our common humanity.”

Thus, Obama, like Hitler before him, will attempt to take over the world by reshaping it in step with his own more-perfect version of self.

Sharpened through the revisions of time, this moment in history is sure to become merely a preamble.

The "We Are All About Numero Uno' Concert

"Politics is Hollywood for ugly people." --James Carville.

"Hollywood is Politics for beautiful people." --Sue Bylevyn.

If commentators claimed there was a certain buzz in the air, I want all you armchair marketing majors out there to consider this string-theory:

1. The Washington mall reflection pond as "Vagina of the Motherland."
2. Barack Obama welcoming us all to "the rejuvenation of America."
3. And Peggy's 'rejuvenator' from "Madmen" Episode 1:11.



"The Rejuvenator, it makes you feel healthy and girlish. You’ll love the way it makes you feel.”

This scripted who's-who gathering at the Lincoln memorial was supposed to climax with a "We are the World" moment at the end of the concer, but instead I think everyone was faking it.

Maybe it was Tom Hanks in full bullshit mode. Or Denzel watching Barack for the movie (4:1 odds) and trying to thrill Michelle with a 'TV on the Radio' beard.

Or the way when John Cougar Mellancamp sang, "little pink houses for you and me", I couldn't help thinking about George W. Bush's homeownership-for-all initiative, and how I can't really afford HBO anymore. Or my house.

I found the pomp and circumstance of an Obama-centric Inauguration Day Tuesday appropriately Ten Balls over-the-top. I felt healthy and rejuvenated for sure.

But the tightly choreographed and plastic display of Hollywood self-indulgence on our nations reflection pool-- didn't even feel like it was about Barack Obama.

As Don Draper described the rejuvenator, it was" like the feel of a man, without the man."

And it just didn't do it for me.

Apple's Rockstar Moment

"By positioning Jobs as the creative force behind Apple's products, the company has made his health a public concern. I wish Mr. Jobs well. Perhaps during his leave of absence Apple can showcase other "faces" and make it clear that its current and future products are the result of Apple's corporate vision and genius, not only Steve Jobs' latest idea." --Lou Malnasssy at ragan.com's 'PR Junkie'.

I love my ipod. I love my imac. I even love the Apple products I can't afford, including their stock.

Apple stock has become increasingly more affordable in recent days as Internet chatter about CEO Steve Jobs' health creates shareholder anxiety.

With the current and future vision of Apple in question, I offer the curious parallel this situation has with the arch of megaband, 'Guns 'N Roses'.

Lou's comment could easily describe Geffen Record's positioning of Axl Rose as the sole creative force behind Guns 'N Roses in the late 1980's.

In actuality, GNR began as a synthesis of all member's creative vision. The band itself was the combination of two bands, L.A. Guns and Hollywood Rose. Over time, Axl the front man, eventually acquired a disproportionate amount of creative credit.

Early videos of Guns 'N Roses showcase a democratic environment. Duff McKagan and Izzy Stradlin banter with the Sunset Strip crowd as much a pre-Appetite For Destruction Axl.

Similar to Jobs' personal rise to fame, public interest in all things Axl (including his (mental) health) soon developed, disproportionate to his collaborators.

As we came to love and buy GNR products, Geffen Records assumed the model of frontman-as-talent was working once more and perpetuated it.

In stark contrast to the image propogated by Geffen Records, in a 1991 interview Axl described the collaborative process utilized on the then soon-to-be-released "Use Your Illusion" albums as nothing short of Democratic.

By then the future of Guns 'N Roses' had already begun unraveling with the axing of strung out drummer Steven Adler. Izzy Stradlin then left in the middle of the European Leg of the Illusion Tour. Slash left sometime in 1994 due officially to artistic differences. Duff McKagan left in 1997.

Axl retained the legal rights to the Guns 'N Roses name and employed a revolving phone book of musicians while spending $13 Million over seventeen years to do the same job five kids did half-drunk and better.

Enter 'Chinese Democracy'. An oxymoronic album name to mirror Axl's dictatorial regime. Guns 'N Roses exists only as a name and a memory. To his credit, 'Chinese Democracy' is great, but iconic for the wrong reasons.

Recessions have ill effects on marriages. And the current recession is for Apple what the onset of the Grunge and Hip Hop movements was to Guns 'N Roses. Faced with great uncertainty, Guns 'N Roses self-destructed.

Apple would be well served to recognize the elements outside their control which dominate this moment in their history.

Faced with a Recession and Jobs' extended absence, Apple will surely restructure. Perhaps like Axl, they will realize that 50 people couldn't do what once took five.

Hopefully for all of us, the wait for the next Apple invention is shorter than seventeen years. The worst progections have this Recession lasting until 2010.

When the economy does cycle back and the masses can once again afford Apple's non-essentials, in all likelyhood it will be without Jobs as frontman. And in that sense, a better Apple parallel than GNR might be Velvet Revolver.

But Apple's next big thing can certainly look forward to the same unrealistically high expectations as 'Chinese Democracy'-- unfortunately, a recipe for disappointment.

On the flip side, Apple's next big thing will no doubt sell. They can bank on a good bounce from previously satisfied customers. They will benefit from the syncopation of the gears of nostalgia and hipness (ala the 'Guitar Hero' video game genre). And frankly, like the incessant repetition of 'Welcome To The Jungle' during 4th quarter timeouts at Chicago Bulls games, Apple is ingrained in our culture.

Ultimately, cultural phenomenon or not, the instant gratification Apple has afforded their clientele will be their undoing, Steve Jobs or not, if their can't satisfy.

Perpetual hope is one thing, a phenomenon who's moment has past is another.

Blagojevich Is (On A Runner's) High

Today the Illinois House of Representatives voted almost unanimously to impeach Governor Rod Blagojovich for having a cocksucker hairdo and trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat to the highest bidder.

Blagojevich continues to maintain his innocence in the few public statements he's made since the story broke a month ago.

In the interim, Blagojevich has taken to literal referrence, symbolism and hyperbole when confronted by the paparazzi dogs hounding his Northside Chicago home.

And while the media lynch-mob questions his mental health, it appears Blagojevich has synthesized his predicament into motivation to improve his physical health.

Confronted for a comment on today's unanimous impeachment vote, Blagojevich referred instead to the pace of his seven mile jog while categorizing his strife as akin to the story of "the Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner".




In a weird-go-pro political maneuver, Blagojevich has converted his daily Rocky jogs into Brittany Spears-style staged photo-ops.

When one paparazzo snapped a shot of Blagojevich's mid-stride forehead, it was uploaded immediately for the masses who voyeuristicaly devoured the exposed hidden realm beneath Blagojevich's Paul-Mitchell-perfect rug, the same way they did Britney's snatch.

For Blagojevich the photo op song-and-dance serves the dual narcissistic purposes of:

1. Showcasing his sexy tracksuit-body while,
2. He enters the public discussion over his own tumble from power by passive-aggressively dropping literary hints about which tragic figure he personally feels he most resembles.

And FYI, for those of you on death watch, at the big finale of "The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner", hinges upon the Runner subverting Authority by stopping short of the finish line-- refusing to win the big race on behalf of his slave masters/ captors.

Before he officially went crazy, Friedrich Nietzche like to state that "all of life is a will to power."

Blagojevich concurred (and then sounded suicidal) when he commented, "I'm going to fight, I'm going to fight, I'm going to fight... until I take my last breath."

Offing himself--and some warning signs are there--would be a subversive power grab in line with the distance runner's final race.

But Blagojevich proved to be a scrappy, masochistic political street-fighter when he made the Roland Burris selection despite all the heat. And his Rocky-jogs are a symbolic haymaker.

So instead of that old Alan Sillitoe short story, perhaps he'd be better served by referencing Iron Maiden's, "Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner."

And as a last resort, he can always just shave his head.



5.1.09 UPDATE:



This stencil of Blagojevich popped up around Chicago this Spring, forever bronzing the image of Tracksuit-Rod. No reports yet of any Orange-Jumpsuit-Rod stencils.

Will E-Paper Do Serendipity?

New York Times Exectutive Editor Bill Keller went on NPR last month to discuss the state of the newspaper.

He is biased and confident that printed newspapers will survive the internet.

In Keller's opinion, "It's a nice sensation to turn the pages... and you get a quality of serendipity."

He goes on to say that, "the internet hasn't quite figured out how to do serendipity in the same way that an old-fashioned newspaper does".

Keller either needs to spend a week with me or assumes there are only two players in this debate.

Enter e-paper.

I was talking with a guy who works for the Chicago Tribune in the lobby of my building and he started describing this wacky concept.

A digital device that approximated the look and feel of a real newspaper.

This manifestation of a page of newspaper would require you to turn the page to get to the next. You could download the daily news each morning before the train, or leave it plugged into your computer for a live stream of breaking news.

You'll turn the pages, but it certainly won't be old-fashioned.

That said, I've no idea whether market research has reported successful serendipity.

Nor how you cut out an article and paste it on the fridge.

Daley to Chicagoans: You Ain't Worth Your Salt

On my way to work this morning, I watched as a snow-plow driver dropped five feet of salt for every twenty feet he drove.

Like a Cardiologist, Mayor Daley has given the word that Chicago must go easy on the salt. It is part of his official plan to cut corners with snow removal.

Last winter, we blew through $20 Million (on a $18.5 Million 2008 snow removal budget) by February 26th.

This at a time when the City just sold its parking meters to fill budget gaps.

Daley's new approach was in action (or is that inaction) on Tuesday December 17th when due to five inches of rush hour snow, Chicagoans got a sneak preview of what Armageddon might look like.

As frustrating as it was to piss in that water bottle during my four hour commute to O'hare, I know that skyrocketing rock salt prices deserve at least some of the blame of this perfect storm.

In 2008, rock salt prices are as much as three and four times what they were in 2007 when they hovered around $42 per ton.

So the Mayor is in a tight spot, and not entirely of his own doing. But there will be consequences.

In Roman times, part of soldiers' pay was an allotment of salt, hence the term, "worth your salt" and the word "salary".

Salt has helped shape history. Add Chicago's quest for the 2016 Olympic games to the list. Add lawsuits of people who got into accidents while we penny-pinch.

And if this winter is bad enough, I'm forecasting that like Michael Bilandic before him, the Mayor's job could be history too.

Shoes Thrown At Bush

Bush is sober and thus catlike and unhurt. The insult was successful. Two last reminders that the world hates Bush. I wonder if the Smithsonian will request the perpetrators or settle for replicas.

Winter Rules: Fist-Bumping For Public Safety

This time of year I can't help but get squeamish about shaking hands. That sinus infection or flu that maybe just got pressed into my palm for the sake of formalities. Not good.

Shaking with the right hand is a Global custom-- perhaps the most famous. In Middle Eastern culture this is especially important.

That is because traditionally in Middle Eastern culture, you pass food, eat, wave, and shake with the right hand-- and wipe your ass with the left.

It's a hygiene thing. And everyone knows everyone else wipes their ass with the left, so doing anything else with it is an insult.

It's "the devil you know" philosophy put to widespread use. And It occurred to me that while the right-hand-shake tradition remains in Western Culture, hygienically speaking, we are all most likely shaking each other's ass-wipe hand.

70-90% of the world is right handed. And since the advent of Tee Pee and hand soap, our culture has shifted to dominant hand ass-wiping. At least that is my hypothesis.

What percentage of Western Society wipes their ass with a dollar bill, picks their nose, presses the elevator button, punches in their zip code at the fuel pump, and then shakes yours-- with their right hand? Probably 70-90%.

During the campaign, Barack Obama liked to tout how many dollars we could save at the pump if we simply filled our tires up with air.

Hand-washing aside, I wonder how many colds and diseases wouldn't get passed along in Western culture if we switched to shaking with the clean, left hand.

Since that dream faded with Bob Dole in '96, maybe we can all just agree to do the fist-bump this Winter.

And maybe the ass-slap come Spring.

Will President Bush Encourage Us To Go Shopping Again?

Famously, in the days after 9/11 and at least once more in December 2006, President Bush went on the record and encouraged Americans to shop.

Has that Presidential mandate encouraged our Economic Crisis?

Probably. History will ultimately figure out the George W. Bush Presidency.

But at a time when the Russians are predicting the U.S. will break up due to economic pressures, shopping is exactly what the Economy desperately needs.

If I was Bush, I'd be preparing these remarks...

"Go to the Mall of America. Go to the Mall of America, America. And do it for America.

We need to have The Black Friday, to end all Black Friday's.

Or at least A Black Friday, to avoid the next Black Monday.

Or if you can't do that, because say, you've been blacked-out since Black Wednesday, at least grab a bite to eat in the food court...

Spending got us into this crisis, and we think it'll get us out.

I hear the new Orange Chicken recipe at Panda Express is extra delicious, and May God Bless America."

. . .

Here is what I want to know: Say Black Friday 2008 IS the windfall/ miracle everyone hopes it will be. . . will it finally become an official National holiday? Maybe we should've set that as a goal--as an incentive.

Can you imagine the monument that would've gone in Washington? Erected in the honor of those Men and Women who wrecked their credit. For good. So that you might have an official day off of work on Black Friday. Unless you're in retail.

Chicken Soup For The Post-Election Soul: Doctor Recommended, Mother Approved

Analysis of President elect Barack Obama's cabinet has become Chicken Soup for the post-election soul.

The NY Times recently reported that the selection of Hillary Clinton and Tim Geither indicates the Obama cabinet is prepared to govern from the "pragmatic" center, as opposed to the "ideologue" far-left.

Anyone who bothered watching the PBS documentary, "Choice 2008" already knew that.

My Mom called and told me to watch it, and I'm glad I listened.

The most revealing segment was dedicated to Obama's days at the Harvard Law Review... you know, the last time he was President.

In it, PBS via Bradford Berenson relates the best prediction of Barack Obama's Presidency that's yet been given--

"He does a very able job as President. Puts out what I think was a very good volume of the Review. Does a great job managing the difficult and complicated interpersonal dynamics on the Review. And manages somehow, in an extremely fractious group, to keep everybody almost happy."

"I think Barack took 10 times as much grief from those on the left on the Review as from those of us on the right. And the reason was, I think there was an expectation among those editors on the left that he would affirmatively use the modest powers of his position to advance the cause, whatever that was. They thought, you know, finally there's an African American president of the Harvard Law Review; it's our turn, and he should aggressively use this position, and his authority and his bully pulpit to advance the political or philosophical causes that we all believe in."

"And Barack was reluctant to do that. It's not that he was out of sympathy with their views, but his first and foremost goal, it always seemed to me, was to put out a first-rate publication. And he was not going to let politics or ideology get in the way of doing that."

Today, Newsweek gave Nouriel Roubini's analysis of Obama's appointments in light of the economic crisis and Dr. Doom has garnished his blessing on the cabinet.

Mom says they're okay too.

I Know Its Hard For You My Baby

"Right now, there are millions of mothers and fathers who are lying awake at night wondering..."

President Elect Obama channeled FDR and gave a radio address this Saturday morning to talk about his plan for the Economic Crisis.

He noted the trouble we are in, and said it will get worse before it gets better. But did so with a dedicated, pragmatic and hopeful tone.

He knows it is hard out there for Americans. But he sounded the call for that "enduring power... the great effort, sacrifice, and courage of the American people" to act "boldy, bravely, and above all else, together".

Doing so, he reminded us, has allowed Americans to thrive during "the darkest hours".

And the darkest hour is just before dawn.

Looking Sexy 'Your Name'!

Our brain is stimulated most by one word above all others. No it the word isn't "Sex", you randy dog.

It is your name.

We humans find our own names absolutely titillating. A real turn-on. We hear our name and it must reaffirm our notions of specialness or something.

Sales People have known this for years, but there is a disturbing new trend in advertising to keep an eye on.

Last week, I received a post card from a mortgage broker depicting MY LAST NAME stenciled on the back of a football player's jersey in bold letters. (His advertisement was on the other).

Yesterday, my wife received a menu in the mail from a new Organic Cafe in the area prompting her to visit a personalized page on their website. Something like, "superawesomecafe.com/your/name".

Junk mail. If it hadn't made me feel so special.

Is it not a youtube and myspace world already? How's that iTunes playlist coming on your iMac?

Sex sells because it is all about intimacy and private parts. Your Name is a private part. One of the privatest.

In the 2002 movie, "Minority Report" digital advertisements scan eye-balls to detect identity, then say, "John Anderton! You could use a Guiness right about now!"

With the economy in the tank and sales harder to come by, expect this kind of rabid, leg-humping to arrive soon.

Thanks for reading, 'your name'.

Chinese Democracy

Madagascar drifted away from Africa, evolved on its own, and something like 80% of its plant and animal species can only be found there. This entire island is a rare bird.

Just like Axl Rose.

The toll has been 13 years, $14 million, and all his original bandmates, but Axl Rose will finally release the album Chinese Democracy on November 28th.

The music world has come full circle since Guns 'N Roses last ruled the earth. With the rise of video games like Guitar Hero and the Rock Band series, Axl once again has relevance. In a keen marketing move, the single "Shackler's Revenge" premiered within Rock Band II in September.

In fact, many of the songs have already premiered. "Chinese Democracy", the title track, is already the number one downloaded song on iTunes. Other tracks have been kicking around for years.

"Madagascar", the song Axl played at the 2002 MTV Music Awards, is already my favorite on the album. It reminds me of "Estranged", a song that in 1991 Axl called his baby.

Guns 'N Roses has a lot of great rock 'n roll songs that will remain part of the soundtrack of my youth.

But if Axl wants to deliver relevance, zeitgeist, I think he is at his best-- most artistically honest-- when he comes from the most out-there, most estranged place.

I want to know how it feels to lose your illusion and grip on the world in such a grandiose way-- only to make it back up for air 15 years later. This is the story I want to hear. Like a modern-day Odyseus. Like Major-Tom from deep space.

There must be something to learn from these tragic figures.

He's seen enough, is a big enough freak, and I believe, talented enough-- to perhaps make the definitive statement about our tragic era.

Then again, that might be as impossible as Chinese Democracy.

On Self-Reliance

Late this summer, '300' was on HBO again. I watched it and thought of a Newsweek article about how Burt Reynolds in Deliverance is Dick Cheney's idealized version of self.

In the same vein, I hypothesized that King Leonidas in '300' is John McCain's idealized self.

I then ran the Chicago Urbanathalon (to attain my ideal version of self) and received one free copy of Men's Health magazine in my race day packet. It contained a cover story about Gerard Butler, the actor who played Leonidas.

When asked how he pulled off his journey to stardom, Butler stated, "What happens is that the universe conspires. Once you make a decision to do something, the universe starts to help you."

The author of the article then wrote, "He's paraphrasing a famous idea attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson."

I liked what I read (because my ideal self is a well-read, chiseled Hollywood star perhaps?) and I tracked down some Emerson. Wikipedia, Google, some essays and articles.

With Self-Reliance fresh on the brain, Barack Obama got elected President and gave a Victory speech in which he alluded to Emerson and Self-Reliance twice.

First he mentioned his campaign wasn't hatched in Washington but in, "...Living Rooms in Concord..." Later he alludes to Lincoln's Republican Party which he said was founded on, "self reliance..."

The fires of Transcendentalism now ablaze, I reran my search. I found out from a SanFrancisco Gate article that sure enough, Barack Obama lists "Self-Reliance" as a favorite (among others) on his Facebook page.

The next move was to Read Self-Reliance for myself. And my God is it good.

Not just good. Genius. Current. Necessary.

For anyone curious about the process of true innovation, true originality--Read it. In our culture of retreads, this is one read that will get you looking finally to the future.

The Question then: So is Self Reliance Barack Obama's idealized version of self?

Perhaps... after all, Ralph Waldo Emerson influenced Abraham Lincoln and he was godfather to William James the architect of "Pragmatism". That much is up for discussion.

A more important Question: What is America's idealized version of self?

I think we just elected him President.

Election Day 2008

Election Day 2008 has a date with the history books. Someday someone might ask you what it was like. Here's how I'll remember it.

I woke up to brilliant sunshine pour in through the windows. It was a perfect day in Chicago. And there was no doubt in my mind that Barack Obama would win the Presidency. Especially after our trip to the park after breakfast.

We went for breakfast up on Division at a cafe called Milk and Honey. My 15 month old son, Kaleb and I ran up and down the sidewalk in our Obama t-shirts, while my wife and her mom ordered the coffee, pancakes and breakfast burritos.

To help digest and enjoy the morning, we hit Wicker Park and it was packed with kids and parents basking in the dayshine.

Kaleb immediately went to work, making his way through every piece of equipment in the park. On the second lap, I did a doubletake and had the odd experience of mistaking another little boy for my own.

He and Kaleb looked at each other. They could have been twins or two halves of one mirror. They had the same exact hair color. Skin tone. Eyelashes. Eye color. And that same gentle, cheeky look. Truly uncanny.

I pointed out this uncanniness to the boy's father and we did introductions. His boy's name was Joshua.

Joshua and Kaleb. Huh. On this of all days.

Later that evening... once the hard-count of electoral votes gave way to sentimentality, the notion of the 'Joshua Generation' was touched-upon by analysts.

And there stood Jesse Jackson of the Moses Generation. The distant, teary-eyed stare of a time-traveler as you imagined him bouncing between 1968, 1988 and 2008.

In Leviticus, the other ten scouts said it couldn't be done. Joshua and Caleb were the only believers. They said the promise could be attained. They called it the land of Milk and Honey. Their faith pleased God. Nevertheless, their people were forced to wander the desert for forty years.

When the time came to enter the Promised Land, of the elders-- Moses included, only Joshua and Caleb were allowed to enter.
Rewarded for their belief, they were chosen to lead the people, the Joshua Generation, into the next chapter.

All Joshua Generations are established on the same belief that God is within us, that opportunity outweighs the threat of challenge, and the firmly-rooted faith of "Yes We Can".

And so the next chapter begins.

The Great American Foreclosure Crisis

After telling us this election isn't about him (but us) what exactly is, as Barack Obama puts it, "The Change We Need"?

Let's do the hard stuff and look at one of the scariest words in the English language: Foreclosure.
The housing market is to blame for the financial crisis. Right?

The bad loans which became bad paper, which begat bad investment banks, which begat a global economy in turmoil...

But what caused us to take that bad loan?

Juliet Schor, sociologist and economist, wrote a book a decade ago titled, "The Overspent American". In it, we find out, "why we want what we don't need".

The answer? Because what we consume creates our identity.

Once was a time when Madmen tried to find the connection between what you consume and who you are, "What kind of woman buys instant coffee instead of fresh ground"? (56)

Now, "the brand defines the consumer." We express our individuality through mass-produced goods. And unfortunately, we are our fucking khakis.

Further, "research suggests that the more we have, the more powerful, confident, and socially validated we feel." (57)

Spending and consumption dictates our status and identity. What started as khakis, became a condo. Which maybe became a second (why not) condo. And all the right furnishings. And the right car in the garage. And the right wardrobe to wear while eating at the right restaurants.

Eventually the other Jimmy Choo dropped and now the housing market is buried in foreclosure.

Psychologist James Marcia created an identity development model in the 1960's which spun off Erik Erickson's stage-model of crisis negotiation.

According to Marcia, committing to a value system or identity before you get the chance to explore multiple values or identities is also called, "Foreclosure".

There is that word again.

The obvious question then becomes, "What is the relationship between one foreclosure crisis in America and the other?"

My hypothesis is this: Not only is our collective American identity the sum of our purchased parts-- we have no idea how else to be.

Shining Beacon on the Hill you say? What if I told you that was just another marketing jingle?

It seems bad, but I think it'll be alright. At very least, if everyone forecloses on their house, credit ruined, zero purchase power, we will be forced to explore a new identity.

And in the final analysis, at very least, we'll know the answer to one of life's great questions.

Dr Doom? Gimme A Break

I'm going as Dr. Doom for Halloween. Not Mr. Fantastic's arch-nemesis, but Nouriel Roubini.

Roubini gained clout as the Economist who predicted the current Financial Crisis, in 2006.

He was scoffed at. After Roubini addressed the IMF, the MC snorted, "We'll all need a stiff drink after that one, won't we."

Roubini turned out to be right. And his Kool-Aid remains plenty harsh. He's been dubbed a Perma-Bear--a perpetual pessimist. Some call him a "seer". Like Nostradamus.

I'm just glad there are geniuses alive who can tell me what's going on.

Not only have we been in a recession since the beginning of 2008, but we are heading for, "Stag-Deflation". Some call that another word for Depression. Either way, he predicts the worst financial shock in the last 50 years. We hear that tossed around all the time. But unfortunately, this guy isn't wrong.

Fortunately, the last five years were rocky. So what. The situation remains messy. If not fluid.

I'll drink mine neat. The only meltdown I'm worried about tonight is my KitKat bar.

Disaster Fatigue

In the aftermath of Hurricane Ike, President Bush appealed to Americans to give support to despite what he called, "Disaster Fatigue."

Bush was referring to natural disasters. Ike was the third major hurricane landfall this year behind Faye and Gustav. And Katrina will haunt the Gulf Coast until something worse makes us forget about it.

Similar to how the Summer Hurricanes made us forget that a 100-year flood gripped the Midwest for the entire month of June (15 years after the 100-year flood of 1993).

Or how what Alan Greenspan called the "Once-in-a-century Credit Tsunami" has made us forget about the two wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Or how rising commodity and gas prices and falling 401K plans and job security has made us forget about the 57" Plasma Television at Best Buy.

Storms are bad. 100 year storms are worse. Multiple 100 year storms, both natural and man made--converging at once--is now reality.

We know that storms hit throughout life: Rivers Flood. Levees Break. Stock Markets Crash. Planes Fly Into Buildings. Loved ones die.

Everyone reacts in their own way to disaster, but Doctors point out symptomatic similarities. Shock. Fatigue. Depressed mood. Anxiety.

Lehman Brothers had an office on the 80th floor of the World Trade Center. How many friends were lost. How did that effect the lives of those who survived?

In the days after 9/11, President Bush told Americans to go shopping.

Dull the pain of a nation with retail therapy. Go buy something.

Buy it on credit.

Now Bush says, "Wall Street got drunk".

Is it more accurate to say, "America is a drunk"?

If you get drunk one night, you blackout, throw up, have a hang over and hope you didn't do anything too stupid.

When you are an alcoholic, you've been at it for years. There is a psychological and physiological addiction in place. A disease. A lifelong battle of recovery. One day at a time. And then, there is the hereditary risk that you may pass the disease on to future generations.

Time for the long look in the mirror.

McCain Not Feeling Sorry For Himself, But Admits He Would Mess Up As POTUS

John McCain is preparing himself for defeat.

In his Interview with Fox News Sunday, McCain insists he won't "dwell on it".

"I've had a wonderful life. I have to go back and live in Arizona, and be in the United States Senate representing them, and with a wonderful family, and daughters and sons that I'm so proud of, and a life that's been blessed."

I guess when the movie '300' represents your ideal version of self, you shouldn't be surprised when you eventually get massacred.

[After he loses], "Don't feel sorry for John McCain, and John McCain will be concentrating on not feeling sorry for himself."

Then backtracking slightly he explained, "I'm the luckiest guy you have ever interviewed and will ever interview. I'm the most fortunate man on earth, and I thank God for it every single day."

McCain's statements are consistent with his Gambler-mentality and accomplish a two-fold agenda:

1. Flaunt his glimmer of hope (call it a punchers chance) because as a gambler, you have to call your shot, and he knows the greater the odds, the bigger the thrill... if your ticket comes in.

2. If it doesn't, you must be prepared with a story to tell publicly and to yourself (ideally one which exonerates you of any guilt. See, Chicago Cubs/ Bartman, Steve & Goat, Billy)

Did Sarah Palin read the fine print where it stipulates she'll be falling on the sword?

Call it a survival mechanism--and what is John McCain if not a survivor?

The Power of Self-Delusion

John McCain continued on Fox News, "I’ve been in too many campaigns, my friend, not to — not to sense that things are headed our way."

John McCain clearly consults this "sense" for the most important decisions he makes. Amazingly, he's enjoyed enough positive outcomes to consider himself the luckiest guy on Earth.

That's how you know he will blame everything on Sarah Palin.

From the same interview, "Asked if Gov. Sarah Palin has become a drag on his ticket, McCain said, "As a cold political calculation, I could not be more pleased."

Sarah Palin, the greatest gamble of John McCain's life. At one point after the RNC--pure political genius.

Now relegated to a pleasing, "cold political calculation".

With Palin, McCain sensed that he could take all the credit if it worked out, and blame her if he failed.

One Last Thing

In the final debate, John McCain stated, "you have to look at the words."

Same interview, "I love being the underdog. You know, every time that I've gotten ahead, somehow I've messed it up."

When you look at the words, this is a clear admission by John McCain that he'd somehow mess things up as President of The United States.

As lovable and virtuous as the underdog is, the President of The United States is the furthest role on Earth from that of "the Underdog".

If elected President, you haven't just "gotten ahead"-- You are The Head.

Read the fine print America...

McCain doesn't even want the job.

McCain Should Concede His Campaign

When you find that your running mate abused her gubernatorial power and you are forced to defend the virtues of your opponent at your own rally--on the same day--it signifies one thing.

Your presidential campaign has officially Imploded.

John McCain will backpedal significantly over the next 24 days in an attempt to save the remnants of his good name.

Sarah Palin believes she is a still a threat for 2012 and will continue to make a joke of herself accordingly.

Stranger Than Fiction: Bartlett Consults Obama

There was a time when fictional President Jeb Bartlett had a higher approval rating than the actual President.  

'The West Wing' taught us many lessons about Government over the years, and it has just taught us one more.

On September 20th, NY Times columnist Maureen Dowd asked West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin what it would be like if Barack Obama went to President Bartlett for advice:

BARACK OBAMA knocks on the front door of a 300-year-old New Hampshire farmhouse while his Secret Service detail waits in the driveway. The door opens and OBAMA is standing face to face with former President JED BARTLET.

BARTLET Senator.

OBAMA Mr. President.

BARTLET You seem startled.

OBAMA I didn’t expect you to answer the door yourself.

BARTLET I didn’t expect you to be getting beat by John McCain and a Lancôme rep who thinks “The Flintstones” was based on a true story, so let’s call it even.

OBAMA Yes, sir.

BARTLET Come on in.

BARTLET leads OBAMA into his study.

BARTLET That was a hell of a convention.

OBAMA Thank you, I was proud of it.

BARTLET I meant the Republicans. The Us versus Them-a-thon. As a Democrat I was surprised to learn that I don’t like small towns, God, people with jobs or America. I’ve been a little out of touch but is there a mandate that the vice president be skilled at field dressing a moose —

OBAMA Look —

BARTLET — and selling Air Force Two on eBay?

OBAMA Joke all you want, Mr. President, but it worked.

BARTLET Imagine my surprise. What can I do for you, kid?

OBAMA I’m interested in your advice.

BARTLET I can’t give it to you.

OBAMA Why not?

BARTLET I’m supporting McCain.

OBAMA Why?

BARTLET He’s promised to eradicate evil and that was always on my “to do” list.

OBAMA O.K. —

BARTLET And he’s surrounded himself, I think, with the best possible team to get us out of an economic crisis. Why, Sarah Palin just said Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac had “gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers.” Can you spot the error in that statement?

OBAMA Yes, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac aren’t funded by taxpayers.

BARTLET Well, at least they are now. Kind of reminds you of the time Bush said that Social Security wasn’t a government program. He was only off by a little — Social Security is the largest government program.

OBAMA I appreciate your sense of humor, sir, but I really could use your advice.

BARTLET Well, it seems to me your problem is a lot like the problem I had twice.

OBAMA Which was?

BARTLET A huge number of Americans thought I thought I was superior to them.

OBAMA And?

BARTLET I was.

OBAMA I mean, how did you overcome that?

BARTLET I won’t lie to you, being fictional was a big advantage.

OBAMA What do you mean?

BARTLET I’m a fictional president. You’re dreaming right now, Senator.

OBAMA I’m asleep?

BARTLET Yes, and you’re losing a ton of white women.

OBAMA Yes, sir.

BARTLET I mean tons.

OBAMA I understand.

BARTLET I didn’t even think there were that many white women.

OBAMA I see the numbers, sir. What do they want from me?

BARTLET I’ve been married to a white woman for 40 years and I still don’t know what she wants from me.

OBAMA How did you do it?

BARTLET Well, I say I’m sorry a lot.

OBAMA I don’t mean your marriage, sir. I mean how did you get America on your side?

BARTLET There again, I didn’t have to be president of America, I just had to be president of the people who watched “The West Wing.”

OBAMA That would make it easier.

BARTLET You’d do very well on NBC. Thursday nights in the old “ER” time slot with “30 Rock” as your lead-in, you’d get seven, seven-five in the demo with a 20, 22 share — you’d be selling $450,000 minutes.

OBAMA What the hell does that mean?

BARTLET TV talk. I thought you’d be interested.

OBAMA I’m not. They pivoted off the argument that I was inexperienced to the criticism that I’m — wait for it — the Messiah, who, by the way, was a community organizer. When I speak I try to lead with inspiration and aptitude. How is that a liability?

BARTLET Because the idea of American exceptionalism doesn’t extend to Americans being exceptional. If you excelled academically and are able to casually use 690 SAT words then you might as well have the press shoot video of you giving the finger to the Statue of Liberty while the Dixie Chicks sing the University of the Taliban fight song. The people who want English to be the official language of the United States are uncomfortable with their leaders being fluent in it.

OBAMA You’re saying race doesn’t have anything to do with it?

BARTLET I wouldn’t go that far. Brains made me look arrogant but they make you look uppity. Plus, if you had a black daughter —

OBAMA I have two.

BARTLET — who was 17 and pregnant and unmarried and the father was a teenager hoping to launch a rap career with “Thug Life” inked across his chest, you’d come in fifth behind Bob Barr, Ralph Nader and a ficus.

OBAMA You’re not cheering me up.

BARTLET Is that what you came here for?

OBAMA No, but it wouldn’t kill you.

BARTLET Have you tried doing a two-hour special or a really good Christmas show?

OBAMA Sir —

BARTLET Hang on. Home run. Right here. Is there any chance you could get Michelle pregnant before the fall sweeps?

OBAMA The problem is we can’t appear angry. Bush called us the angry left. Did you see anyone in Denver who was angry?

BARTLET Well ... let me think. ...We went to war against the wrong country, Osama bin Laden just celebrated his seventh anniversary of not being caught either dead or alive, my family’s less safe than it was eight years ago, we’ve lost trillions of dollars, millions of jobs, thousands of lives and we lost an entire city due to bad weather. So, you know ... I’m a little angry.

OBAMA What would you do?

BARTLET GET ANGRIER! Call them liars, because that’s what they are. Sarah Palin didn’t say “thanks but no thanks” to the Bridge to Nowhere. She just said “Thanks.” You were raised by a single mother on food stamps — where does a guy with eight houses who was legacied into Annapolis get off calling you an elitist? And by the way, if you do nothing else, take that word back. Elite is a good word, it means well above average. I’d ask them what their problem is with excellence. While you’re at it, I want the word “patriot” back. McCain can say that the transcendent issue of our time is the spread of Islamic fanaticism or he can choose a running mate who doesn’t know the Bush doctrine from the Monroe Doctrine, but he can’t do both at the same time and call it patriotic. They have to lie — the truth isn’t their friend right now. Get angry. Mock them mercilessly; they’ve earned it. McCain decried agents of intolerance, then chose a running mate who had to ask if she was allowed to ban books from a public library. It’s not bad enough she thinks the planet Earth was created in six days 6,000 years ago complete with a man, a woman and a talking snake, she wants schools to teach the rest of our kids to deny geology, anthropology, archaeology and common sense too? It’s not bad enough she’s forcing her own daughter into a loveless marriage to a teenage hood, she wants the rest of us to guide our daughters in that direction too? It’s not enough that a woman shouldn’t have the right to choose, it should be the law of the land that she has to carry and deliver her rapist’s baby too? I don’t know whether or not Governor Palin has the tenacity of a pit bull, but I know for sure she’s got the qualifications of one. And you’re worried about seeming angry? You could eat their lunch, make them cry and tell their mamas about it and God himself would call it restrained. There are times when you are simply required to be impolite. There are times when condescension is called for!

OBAMA Good to get that off your chest?

BARTLET Am I keeping you from something?

OBAMA Well, it’s not as if I didn’t know all of that and it took you like 20 minutes to say.

BARTLET I know, I have a problem, but admitting it is the first step.

OBAMA What’s the second step?

BARTLET I don’t care.

OBAMA So what about hope? Chuck it for outrage and put-downs?

BARTLET No. You’re elite, you can do both. Four weeks ago you had the best week of your campaign, followed — granted, inexplicably — by the worst week of your campaign. And you’re still in a statistical dead heat. You’re a 47-year-old black man with a foreign-sounding name who went to Harvard and thinks devotion to your country and lapel pins aren’t the same thing and you’re in a statistical tie with a war hero and a Cinemax heroine. To these aged eyes, Senator, that’s what progress looks like. You guys got four debates. Get out of my house and go back to work.

OBAMA Wait, what is it you always used to say? When you hit a bump on the show and your people were down and frustrated? You’d give them a pep talk and then you’d always end it with something. What was it ...?

BARTLET “Break’s over.”

Today, Barack Obama's campaign purchased 30-Minutes of CBS air time on October 29th.  

Not quite the 2-hour Christmas Special Bartlett suggested, but maybe we'll find out Michelle's pregnant.

We Interrupt Your Football Sunday To Bring You These Messages

General Patreaus wrote the book on counterinsurgiancies. Literally.

In the section dedicated to military activities, "that do not involve killing insurgants", Patreaus called "information operations" "critical".

The Washington Post ran an article Friday titled, "U.S. to Fund Pro-American Publicity in Iraq" that outlines a $300 Million Defense Department initiative to expand and consolidate "information/ psychological operations".

Regardless of where we argue you can find the frontline of the War on Terror, in all likelyhood, the real frontline is the Middle Eastern Propaganda War.

The Four Companies awarded with contracts are; SOS International, Washington-based Lincoln Group, Alexandria-based MPRI, and Los Angeles-based Leonie Industries. I encourage you to tour their websites.

Very disturbing stuff.

I was worried when I saw "Los Angeles-based" that Leonie Industries might be a "Wag the Dog" type film company and decided to focus my research there.

The trick with all propaganda is that the audience can't know it is listening to a sales pitch. How does Leonie Industries tackle that objective?

"Our communications products are designed to appeal to local audiences. By leveraging existing relationships with sports and entertainment celebrities, prominent regional companies, and business and political leaders, Leonie Industries delivers messages through credible voices with a local feel."

Sports. Entertainment. Celebrities. Prominent companies. Business leaders. Politicians. (Christ, you left out Religion!)

To steal from Chuck Pahlaniuk, "I am the dull sinking feeling in Sue's stomach."

Each of these entities leverage our lives in their own unique way (Don't ask me about fantasy baseball).

But to hear them mentioned in the same sentance is totally... undignified.

Especially when you consider how a marketing company like Leonie gets so good at what it does.

(By practicing on us.)

The article further points out, "While U.S. law prohibits the use of government money to direct propaganda at U.S. audiences, the "statement of work" included in the proposal, written by the U.S. Joint Contracting Command in Iraq, notes the need to "communicate effectively with our strategic audiences (i.e. Iraqi, pan-Arabic, International, and U.S. audiences) to gain widespread acceptance of [U.S. and Iraqi government] core themes and messages."

Widespread acceptance.

Has Western Culture ever looked so good?

What a bunch of horseshit.

Enjoy your game.