Blagojevich Is (On A Runner's) High

Today the Illinois House of Representatives voted almost unanimously to impeach Governor Rod Blagojovich for having a cocksucker hairdo and trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat to the highest bidder.

Blagojevich continues to maintain his innocence in the few public statements he's made since the story broke a month ago.

In the interim, Blagojevich has taken to literal referrence, symbolism and hyperbole when confronted by the paparazzi dogs hounding his Northside Chicago home.

And while the media lynch-mob questions his mental health, it appears Blagojevich has synthesized his predicament into motivation to improve his physical health.

Confronted for a comment on today's unanimous impeachment vote, Blagojevich referred instead to the pace of his seven mile jog while categorizing his strife as akin to the story of "the Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner".




In a weird-go-pro political maneuver, Blagojevich has converted his daily Rocky jogs into Brittany Spears-style staged photo-ops.

When one paparazzo snapped a shot of Blagojevich's mid-stride forehead, it was uploaded immediately for the masses who voyeuristicaly devoured the exposed hidden realm beneath Blagojevich's Paul-Mitchell-perfect rug, the same way they did Britney's snatch.

For Blagojevich the photo op song-and-dance serves the dual narcissistic purposes of:

1. Showcasing his sexy tracksuit-body while,
2. He enters the public discussion over his own tumble from power by passive-aggressively dropping literary hints about which tragic figure he personally feels he most resembles.

And FYI, for those of you on death watch, at the big finale of "The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner", hinges upon the Runner subverting Authority by stopping short of the finish line-- refusing to win the big race on behalf of his slave masters/ captors.

Before he officially went crazy, Friedrich Nietzche like to state that "all of life is a will to power."

Blagojevich concurred (and then sounded suicidal) when he commented, "I'm going to fight, I'm going to fight, I'm going to fight... until I take my last breath."

Offing himself--and some warning signs are there--would be a subversive power grab in line with the distance runner's final race.

But Blagojevich proved to be a scrappy, masochistic political street-fighter when he made the Roland Burris selection despite all the heat. And his Rocky-jogs are a symbolic haymaker.

So instead of that old Alan Sillitoe short story, perhaps he'd be better served by referencing Iron Maiden's, "Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner."

And as a last resort, he can always just shave his head.



5.1.09 UPDATE:



This stencil of Blagojevich popped up around Chicago this Spring, forever bronzing the image of Tracksuit-Rod. No reports yet of any Orange-Jumpsuit-Rod stencils.