Will E-Paper Do Serendipity?

New York Times Exectutive Editor Bill Keller went on NPR last month to discuss the state of the newspaper.

He is biased and confident that printed newspapers will survive the internet.

In Keller's opinion, "It's a nice sensation to turn the pages... and you get a quality of serendipity."

He goes on to say that, "the internet hasn't quite figured out how to do serendipity in the same way that an old-fashioned newspaper does".

Keller either needs to spend a week with me or assumes there are only two players in this debate.

Enter e-paper.

I was talking with a guy who works for the Chicago Tribune in the lobby of my building and he started describing this wacky concept.

A digital device that approximated the look and feel of a real newspaper.

This manifestation of a page of newspaper would require you to turn the page to get to the next. You could download the daily news each morning before the train, or leave it plugged into your computer for a live stream of breaking news.

You'll turn the pages, but it certainly won't be old-fashioned.

That said, I've no idea whether market research has reported successful serendipity.

Nor how you cut out an article and paste it on the fridge.

Daley to Chicagoans: You Ain't Worth Your Salt

On my way to work this morning, I watched as a snow-plow driver dropped five feet of salt for every twenty feet he drove.

Like a Cardiologist, Mayor Daley has given the word that Chicago must go easy on the salt. It is part of his official plan to cut corners with snow removal.

Last winter, we blew through $20 Million (on a $18.5 Million 2008 snow removal budget) by February 26th.

This at a time when the City just sold its parking meters to fill budget gaps.

Daley's new approach was in action (or is that inaction) on Tuesday December 17th when due to five inches of rush hour snow, Chicagoans got a sneak preview of what Armageddon might look like.

As frustrating as it was to piss in that water bottle during my four hour commute to O'hare, I know that skyrocketing rock salt prices deserve at least some of the blame of this perfect storm.

In 2008, rock salt prices are as much as three and four times what they were in 2007 when they hovered around $42 per ton.

So the Mayor is in a tight spot, and not entirely of his own doing. But there will be consequences.

In Roman times, part of soldiers' pay was an allotment of salt, hence the term, "worth your salt" and the word "salary".

Salt has helped shape history. Add Chicago's quest for the 2016 Olympic games to the list. Add lawsuits of people who got into accidents while we penny-pinch.

And if this winter is bad enough, I'm forecasting that like Michael Bilandic before him, the Mayor's job could be history too.

Shoes Thrown At Bush

Bush is sober and thus catlike and unhurt. The insult was successful. Two last reminders that the world hates Bush. I wonder if the Smithsonian will request the perpetrators or settle for replicas.

Winter Rules: Fist-Bumping For Public Safety

This time of year I can't help but get squeamish about shaking hands. That sinus infection or flu that maybe just got pressed into my palm for the sake of formalities. Not good.

Shaking with the right hand is a Global custom-- perhaps the most famous. In Middle Eastern culture this is especially important.

That is because traditionally in Middle Eastern culture, you pass food, eat, wave, and shake with the right hand-- and wipe your ass with the left.

It's a hygiene thing. And everyone knows everyone else wipes their ass with the left, so doing anything else with it is an insult.

It's "the devil you know" philosophy put to widespread use. And It occurred to me that while the right-hand-shake tradition remains in Western Culture, hygienically speaking, we are all most likely shaking each other's ass-wipe hand.

70-90% of the world is right handed. And since the advent of Tee Pee and hand soap, our culture has shifted to dominant hand ass-wiping. At least that is my hypothesis.

What percentage of Western Society wipes their ass with a dollar bill, picks their nose, presses the elevator button, punches in their zip code at the fuel pump, and then shakes yours-- with their right hand? Probably 70-90%.

During the campaign, Barack Obama liked to tout how many dollars we could save at the pump if we simply filled our tires up with air.

Hand-washing aside, I wonder how many colds and diseases wouldn't get passed along in Western culture if we switched to shaking with the clean, left hand.

Since that dream faded with Bob Dole in '96, maybe we can all just agree to do the fist-bump this Winter.

And maybe the ass-slap come Spring.

Will President Bush Encourage Us To Go Shopping Again?

Famously, in the days after 9/11 and at least once more in December 2006, President Bush went on the record and encouraged Americans to shop.

Has that Presidential mandate encouraged our Economic Crisis?

Probably. History will ultimately figure out the George W. Bush Presidency.

But at a time when the Russians are predicting the U.S. will break up due to economic pressures, shopping is exactly what the Economy desperately needs.

If I was Bush, I'd be preparing these remarks...

"Go to the Mall of America. Go to the Mall of America, America. And do it for America.

We need to have The Black Friday, to end all Black Friday's.

Or at least A Black Friday, to avoid the next Black Monday.

Or if you can't do that, because say, you've been blacked-out since Black Wednesday, at least grab a bite to eat in the food court...

Spending got us into this crisis, and we think it'll get us out.

I hear the new Orange Chicken recipe at Panda Express is extra delicious, and May God Bless America."

. . .

Here is what I want to know: Say Black Friday 2008 IS the windfall/ miracle everyone hopes it will be. . . will it finally become an official National holiday? Maybe we should've set that as a goal--as an incentive.

Can you imagine the monument that would've gone in Washington? Erected in the honor of those Men and Women who wrecked their credit. For good. So that you might have an official day off of work on Black Friday. Unless you're in retail.

Chicken Soup For The Post-Election Soul: Doctor Recommended, Mother Approved

Analysis of President elect Barack Obama's cabinet has become Chicken Soup for the post-election soul.

The NY Times recently reported that the selection of Hillary Clinton and Tim Geither indicates the Obama cabinet is prepared to govern from the "pragmatic" center, as opposed to the "ideologue" far-left.

Anyone who bothered watching the PBS documentary, "Choice 2008" already knew that.

My Mom called and told me to watch it, and I'm glad I listened.

The most revealing segment was dedicated to Obama's days at the Harvard Law Review... you know, the last time he was President.

In it, PBS via Bradford Berenson relates the best prediction of Barack Obama's Presidency that's yet been given--

"He does a very able job as President. Puts out what I think was a very good volume of the Review. Does a great job managing the difficult and complicated interpersonal dynamics on the Review. And manages somehow, in an extremely fractious group, to keep everybody almost happy."

"I think Barack took 10 times as much grief from those on the left on the Review as from those of us on the right. And the reason was, I think there was an expectation among those editors on the left that he would affirmatively use the modest powers of his position to advance the cause, whatever that was. They thought, you know, finally there's an African American president of the Harvard Law Review; it's our turn, and he should aggressively use this position, and his authority and his bully pulpit to advance the political or philosophical causes that we all believe in."

"And Barack was reluctant to do that. It's not that he was out of sympathy with their views, but his first and foremost goal, it always seemed to me, was to put out a first-rate publication. And he was not going to let politics or ideology get in the way of doing that."

Today, Newsweek gave Nouriel Roubini's analysis of Obama's appointments in light of the economic crisis and Dr. Doom has garnished his blessing on the cabinet.

Mom says they're okay too.

I Know Its Hard For You My Baby

"Right now, there are millions of mothers and fathers who are lying awake at night wondering..."

President Elect Obama channeled FDR and gave a radio address this Saturday morning to talk about his plan for the Economic Crisis.

He noted the trouble we are in, and said it will get worse before it gets better. But did so with a dedicated, pragmatic and hopeful tone.

He knows it is hard out there for Americans. But he sounded the call for that "enduring power... the great effort, sacrifice, and courage of the American people" to act "boldy, bravely, and above all else, together".

Doing so, he reminded us, has allowed Americans to thrive during "the darkest hours".

And the darkest hour is just before dawn.

Looking Sexy 'Your Name'!

Our brain is stimulated most by one word above all others. No it the word isn't "Sex", you randy dog.

It is your name.

We humans find our own names absolutely titillating. A real turn-on. We hear our name and it must reaffirm our notions of specialness or something.

Sales People have known this for years, but there is a disturbing new trend in advertising to keep an eye on.

Last week, I received a post card from a mortgage broker depicting MY LAST NAME stenciled on the back of a football player's jersey in bold letters. (His advertisement was on the other).

Yesterday, my wife received a menu in the mail from a new Organic Cafe in the area prompting her to visit a personalized page on their website. Something like, "superawesomecafe.com/your/name".

Junk mail. If it hadn't made me feel so special.

Is it not a youtube and myspace world already? How's that iTunes playlist coming on your iMac?

Sex sells because it is all about intimacy and private parts. Your Name is a private part. One of the privatest.

In the 2002 movie, "Minority Report" digital advertisements scan eye-balls to detect identity, then say, "John Anderton! You could use a Guiness right about now!"

With the economy in the tank and sales harder to come by, expect this kind of rabid, leg-humping to arrive soon.

Thanks for reading, 'your name'.

Chinese Democracy

Madagascar drifted away from Africa, evolved on its own, and something like 80% of its plant and animal species can only be found there. This entire island is a rare bird.

Just like Axl Rose.

The toll has been 13 years, $14 million, and all his original bandmates, but Axl Rose will finally release the album Chinese Democracy on November 28th.

The music world has come full circle since Guns 'N Roses last ruled the earth. With the rise of video games like Guitar Hero and the Rock Band series, Axl once again has relevance. In a keen marketing move, the single "Shackler's Revenge" premiered within Rock Band II in September.

In fact, many of the songs have already premiered. "Chinese Democracy", the title track, is already the number one downloaded song on iTunes. Other tracks have been kicking around for years.

"Madagascar", the song Axl played at the 2002 MTV Music Awards, is already my favorite on the album. It reminds me of "Estranged", a song that in 1991 Axl called his baby.

Guns 'N Roses has a lot of great rock 'n roll songs that will remain part of the soundtrack of my youth.

But if Axl wants to deliver relevance, zeitgeist, I think he is at his best-- most artistically honest-- when he comes from the most out-there, most estranged place.

I want to know how it feels to lose your illusion and grip on the world in such a grandiose way-- only to make it back up for air 15 years later. This is the story I want to hear. Like a modern-day Odyseus. Like Major-Tom from deep space.

There must be something to learn from these tragic figures.

He's seen enough, is a big enough freak, and I believe, talented enough-- to perhaps make the definitive statement about our tragic era.

Then again, that might be as impossible as Chinese Democracy.

On Self-Reliance

Late this summer, '300' was on HBO again. I watched it and thought of a Newsweek article about how Burt Reynolds in Deliverance is Dick Cheney's idealized version of self.

In the same vein, I hypothesized that King Leonidas in '300' is John McCain's idealized self.

I then ran the Chicago Urbanathalon (to attain my ideal version of self) and received one free copy of Men's Health magazine in my race day packet. It contained a cover story about Gerard Butler, the actor who played Leonidas.

When asked how he pulled off his journey to stardom, Butler stated, "What happens is that the universe conspires. Once you make a decision to do something, the universe starts to help you."

The author of the article then wrote, "He's paraphrasing a famous idea attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson."

I liked what I read (because my ideal self is a well-read, chiseled Hollywood star perhaps?) and I tracked down some Emerson. Wikipedia, Google, some essays and articles.

With Self-Reliance fresh on the brain, Barack Obama got elected President and gave a Victory speech in which he alluded to Emerson and Self-Reliance twice.

First he mentioned his campaign wasn't hatched in Washington but in, "...Living Rooms in Concord..." Later he alludes to Lincoln's Republican Party which he said was founded on, "self reliance..."

The fires of Transcendentalism now ablaze, I reran my search. I found out from a SanFrancisco Gate article that sure enough, Barack Obama lists "Self-Reliance" as a favorite (among others) on his Facebook page.

The next move was to Read Self-Reliance for myself. And my God is it good.

Not just good. Genius. Current. Necessary.

For anyone curious about the process of true innovation, true originality--Read it. In our culture of retreads, this is one read that will get you looking finally to the future.

The Question then: So is Self Reliance Barack Obama's idealized version of self?

Perhaps... after all, Ralph Waldo Emerson influenced Abraham Lincoln and he was godfather to William James the architect of "Pragmatism". That much is up for discussion.

A more important Question: What is America's idealized version of self?

I think we just elected him President.

Election Day 2008

Election Day 2008 has a date with the history books. Someday someone might ask you what it was like. Here's how I'll remember it.

I woke up to brilliant sunshine pour in through the windows. It was a perfect day in Chicago. And there was no doubt in my mind that Barack Obama would win the Presidency. Especially after our trip to the park after breakfast.

We went for breakfast up on Division at a cafe called Milk and Honey. My 15 month old son, Kaleb and I ran up and down the sidewalk in our Obama t-shirts, while my wife and her mom ordered the coffee, pancakes and breakfast burritos.

To help digest and enjoy the morning, we hit Wicker Park and it was packed with kids and parents basking in the dayshine.

Kaleb immediately went to work, making his way through every piece of equipment in the park. On the second lap, I did a doubletake and had the odd experience of mistaking another little boy for my own.

He and Kaleb looked at each other. They could have been twins or two halves of one mirror. They had the same exact hair color. Skin tone. Eyelashes. Eye color. And that same gentle, cheeky look. Truly uncanny.

I pointed out this uncanniness to the boy's father and we did introductions. His boy's name was Joshua.

Joshua and Kaleb. Huh. On this of all days.

Later that evening... once the hard-count of electoral votes gave way to sentimentality, the notion of the 'Joshua Generation' was touched-upon by analysts.

And there stood Jesse Jackson of the Moses Generation. The distant, teary-eyed stare of a time-traveler as you imagined him bouncing between 1968, 1988 and 2008.

In Leviticus, the other ten scouts said it couldn't be done. Joshua and Caleb were the only believers. They said the promise could be attained. They called it the land of Milk and Honey. Their faith pleased God. Nevertheless, their people were forced to wander the desert for forty years.

When the time came to enter the Promised Land, of the elders-- Moses included, only Joshua and Caleb were allowed to enter.
Rewarded for their belief, they were chosen to lead the people, the Joshua Generation, into the next chapter.

All Joshua Generations are established on the same belief that God is within us, that opportunity outweighs the threat of challenge, and the firmly-rooted faith of "Yes We Can".

And so the next chapter begins.

The Great American Foreclosure Crisis

After telling us this election isn't about him (but us) what exactly is, as Barack Obama puts it, "The Change We Need"?

Let's do the hard stuff and look at one of the scariest words in the English language: Foreclosure.
The housing market is to blame for the financial crisis. Right?

The bad loans which became bad paper, which begat bad investment banks, which begat a global economy in turmoil...

But what caused us to take that bad loan?

Juliet Schor, sociologist and economist, wrote a book a decade ago titled, "The Overspent American". In it, we find out, "why we want what we don't need".

The answer? Because what we consume creates our identity.

Once was a time when Madmen tried to find the connection between what you consume and who you are, "What kind of woman buys instant coffee instead of fresh ground"? (56)

Now, "the brand defines the consumer." We express our individuality through mass-produced goods. And unfortunately, we are our fucking khakis.

Further, "research suggests that the more we have, the more powerful, confident, and socially validated we feel." (57)

Spending and consumption dictates our status and identity. What started as khakis, became a condo. Which maybe became a second (why not) condo. And all the right furnishings. And the right car in the garage. And the right wardrobe to wear while eating at the right restaurants.

Eventually the other Jimmy Choo dropped and now the housing market is buried in foreclosure.

Psychologist James Marcia created an identity development model in the 1960's which spun off Erik Erickson's stage-model of crisis negotiation.

According to Marcia, committing to a value system or identity before you get the chance to explore multiple values or identities is also called, "Foreclosure".

There is that word again.

The obvious question then becomes, "What is the relationship between one foreclosure crisis in America and the other?"

My hypothesis is this: Not only is our collective American identity the sum of our purchased parts-- we have no idea how else to be.

Shining Beacon on the Hill you say? What if I told you that was just another marketing jingle?

It seems bad, but I think it'll be alright. At very least, if everyone forecloses on their house, credit ruined, zero purchase power, we will be forced to explore a new identity.

And in the final analysis, at very least, we'll know the answer to one of life's great questions.

Dr Doom? Gimme A Break

I'm going as Dr. Doom for Halloween. Not Mr. Fantastic's arch-nemesis, but Nouriel Roubini.

Roubini gained clout as the Economist who predicted the current Financial Crisis, in 2006.

He was scoffed at. After Roubini addressed the IMF, the MC snorted, "We'll all need a stiff drink after that one, won't we."

Roubini turned out to be right. And his Kool-Aid remains plenty harsh. He's been dubbed a Perma-Bear--a perpetual pessimist. Some call him a "seer". Like Nostradamus.

I'm just glad there are geniuses alive who can tell me what's going on.

Not only have we been in a recession since the beginning of 2008, but we are heading for, "Stag-Deflation". Some call that another word for Depression. Either way, he predicts the worst financial shock in the last 50 years. We hear that tossed around all the time. But unfortunately, this guy isn't wrong.

Fortunately, the last five years were rocky. So what. The situation remains messy. If not fluid.

I'll drink mine neat. The only meltdown I'm worried about tonight is my KitKat bar.

Disaster Fatigue

In the aftermath of Hurricane Ike, President Bush appealed to Americans to give support to despite what he called, "Disaster Fatigue."

Bush was referring to natural disasters. Ike was the third major hurricane landfall this year behind Faye and Gustav. And Katrina will haunt the Gulf Coast until something worse makes us forget about it.

Similar to how the Summer Hurricanes made us forget that a 100-year flood gripped the Midwest for the entire month of June (15 years after the 100-year flood of 1993).

Or how what Alan Greenspan called the "Once-in-a-century Credit Tsunami" has made us forget about the two wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Or how rising commodity and gas prices and falling 401K plans and job security has made us forget about the 57" Plasma Television at Best Buy.

Storms are bad. 100 year storms are worse. Multiple 100 year storms, both natural and man made--converging at once--is now reality.

We know that storms hit throughout life: Rivers Flood. Levees Break. Stock Markets Crash. Planes Fly Into Buildings. Loved ones die.

Everyone reacts in their own way to disaster, but Doctors point out symptomatic similarities. Shock. Fatigue. Depressed mood. Anxiety.

Lehman Brothers had an office on the 80th floor of the World Trade Center. How many friends were lost. How did that effect the lives of those who survived?

In the days after 9/11, President Bush told Americans to go shopping.

Dull the pain of a nation with retail therapy. Go buy something.

Buy it on credit.

Now Bush says, "Wall Street got drunk".

Is it more accurate to say, "America is a drunk"?

If you get drunk one night, you blackout, throw up, have a hang over and hope you didn't do anything too stupid.

When you are an alcoholic, you've been at it for years. There is a psychological and physiological addiction in place. A disease. A lifelong battle of recovery. One day at a time. And then, there is the hereditary risk that you may pass the disease on to future generations.

Time for the long look in the mirror.

McCain Not Feeling Sorry For Himself, But Admits He Would Mess Up As POTUS

John McCain is preparing himself for defeat.

In his Interview with Fox News Sunday, McCain insists he won't "dwell on it".

"I've had a wonderful life. I have to go back and live in Arizona, and be in the United States Senate representing them, and with a wonderful family, and daughters and sons that I'm so proud of, and a life that's been blessed."

I guess when the movie '300' represents your ideal version of self, you shouldn't be surprised when you eventually get massacred.

[After he loses], "Don't feel sorry for John McCain, and John McCain will be concentrating on not feeling sorry for himself."

Then backtracking slightly he explained, "I'm the luckiest guy you have ever interviewed and will ever interview. I'm the most fortunate man on earth, and I thank God for it every single day."

McCain's statements are consistent with his Gambler-mentality and accomplish a two-fold agenda:

1. Flaunt his glimmer of hope (call it a punchers chance) because as a gambler, you have to call your shot, and he knows the greater the odds, the bigger the thrill... if your ticket comes in.

2. If it doesn't, you must be prepared with a story to tell publicly and to yourself (ideally one which exonerates you of any guilt. See, Chicago Cubs/ Bartman, Steve & Goat, Billy)

Did Sarah Palin read the fine print where it stipulates she'll be falling on the sword?

Call it a survival mechanism--and what is John McCain if not a survivor?

The Power of Self-Delusion

John McCain continued on Fox News, "I’ve been in too many campaigns, my friend, not to — not to sense that things are headed our way."

John McCain clearly consults this "sense" for the most important decisions he makes. Amazingly, he's enjoyed enough positive outcomes to consider himself the luckiest guy on Earth.

That's how you know he will blame everything on Sarah Palin.

From the same interview, "Asked if Gov. Sarah Palin has become a drag on his ticket, McCain said, "As a cold political calculation, I could not be more pleased."

Sarah Palin, the greatest gamble of John McCain's life. At one point after the RNC--pure political genius.

Now relegated to a pleasing, "cold political calculation".

With Palin, McCain sensed that he could take all the credit if it worked out, and blame her if he failed.

One Last Thing

In the final debate, John McCain stated, "you have to look at the words."

Same interview, "I love being the underdog. You know, every time that I've gotten ahead, somehow I've messed it up."

When you look at the words, this is a clear admission by John McCain that he'd somehow mess things up as President of The United States.

As lovable and virtuous as the underdog is, the President of The United States is the furthest role on Earth from that of "the Underdog".

If elected President, you haven't just "gotten ahead"-- You are The Head.

Read the fine print America...

McCain doesn't even want the job.

McCain Should Concede His Campaign

When you find that your running mate abused her gubernatorial power and you are forced to defend the virtues of your opponent at your own rally--on the same day--it signifies one thing.

Your presidential campaign has officially Imploded.

John McCain will backpedal significantly over the next 24 days in an attempt to save the remnants of his good name.

Sarah Palin believes she is a still a threat for 2012 and will continue to make a joke of herself accordingly.

Stranger Than Fiction: Bartlett Consults Obama

There was a time when fictional President Jeb Bartlett had a higher approval rating than the actual President.  

'The West Wing' taught us many lessons about Government over the years, and it has just taught us one more.

On September 20th, NY Times columnist Maureen Dowd asked West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin what it would be like if Barack Obama went to President Bartlett for advice:

BARACK OBAMA knocks on the front door of a 300-year-old New Hampshire farmhouse while his Secret Service detail waits in the driveway. The door opens and OBAMA is standing face to face with former President JED BARTLET.

BARTLET Senator.

OBAMA Mr. President.

BARTLET You seem startled.

OBAMA I didn’t expect you to answer the door yourself.

BARTLET I didn’t expect you to be getting beat by John McCain and a Lancôme rep who thinks “The Flintstones” was based on a true story, so let’s call it even.

OBAMA Yes, sir.

BARTLET Come on in.

BARTLET leads OBAMA into his study.

BARTLET That was a hell of a convention.

OBAMA Thank you, I was proud of it.

BARTLET I meant the Republicans. The Us versus Them-a-thon. As a Democrat I was surprised to learn that I don’t like small towns, God, people with jobs or America. I’ve been a little out of touch but is there a mandate that the vice president be skilled at field dressing a moose —

OBAMA Look —

BARTLET — and selling Air Force Two on eBay?

OBAMA Joke all you want, Mr. President, but it worked.

BARTLET Imagine my surprise. What can I do for you, kid?

OBAMA I’m interested in your advice.

BARTLET I can’t give it to you.

OBAMA Why not?

BARTLET I’m supporting McCain.

OBAMA Why?

BARTLET He’s promised to eradicate evil and that was always on my “to do” list.

OBAMA O.K. —

BARTLET And he’s surrounded himself, I think, with the best possible team to get us out of an economic crisis. Why, Sarah Palin just said Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac had “gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers.” Can you spot the error in that statement?

OBAMA Yes, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac aren’t funded by taxpayers.

BARTLET Well, at least they are now. Kind of reminds you of the time Bush said that Social Security wasn’t a government program. He was only off by a little — Social Security is the largest government program.

OBAMA I appreciate your sense of humor, sir, but I really could use your advice.

BARTLET Well, it seems to me your problem is a lot like the problem I had twice.

OBAMA Which was?

BARTLET A huge number of Americans thought I thought I was superior to them.

OBAMA And?

BARTLET I was.

OBAMA I mean, how did you overcome that?

BARTLET I won’t lie to you, being fictional was a big advantage.

OBAMA What do you mean?

BARTLET I’m a fictional president. You’re dreaming right now, Senator.

OBAMA I’m asleep?

BARTLET Yes, and you’re losing a ton of white women.

OBAMA Yes, sir.

BARTLET I mean tons.

OBAMA I understand.

BARTLET I didn’t even think there were that many white women.

OBAMA I see the numbers, sir. What do they want from me?

BARTLET I’ve been married to a white woman for 40 years and I still don’t know what she wants from me.

OBAMA How did you do it?

BARTLET Well, I say I’m sorry a lot.

OBAMA I don’t mean your marriage, sir. I mean how did you get America on your side?

BARTLET There again, I didn’t have to be president of America, I just had to be president of the people who watched “The West Wing.”

OBAMA That would make it easier.

BARTLET You’d do very well on NBC. Thursday nights in the old “ER” time slot with “30 Rock” as your lead-in, you’d get seven, seven-five in the demo with a 20, 22 share — you’d be selling $450,000 minutes.

OBAMA What the hell does that mean?

BARTLET TV talk. I thought you’d be interested.

OBAMA I’m not. They pivoted off the argument that I was inexperienced to the criticism that I’m — wait for it — the Messiah, who, by the way, was a community organizer. When I speak I try to lead with inspiration and aptitude. How is that a liability?

BARTLET Because the idea of American exceptionalism doesn’t extend to Americans being exceptional. If you excelled academically and are able to casually use 690 SAT words then you might as well have the press shoot video of you giving the finger to the Statue of Liberty while the Dixie Chicks sing the University of the Taliban fight song. The people who want English to be the official language of the United States are uncomfortable with their leaders being fluent in it.

OBAMA You’re saying race doesn’t have anything to do with it?

BARTLET I wouldn’t go that far. Brains made me look arrogant but they make you look uppity. Plus, if you had a black daughter —

OBAMA I have two.

BARTLET — who was 17 and pregnant and unmarried and the father was a teenager hoping to launch a rap career with “Thug Life” inked across his chest, you’d come in fifth behind Bob Barr, Ralph Nader and a ficus.

OBAMA You’re not cheering me up.

BARTLET Is that what you came here for?

OBAMA No, but it wouldn’t kill you.

BARTLET Have you tried doing a two-hour special or a really good Christmas show?

OBAMA Sir —

BARTLET Hang on. Home run. Right here. Is there any chance you could get Michelle pregnant before the fall sweeps?

OBAMA The problem is we can’t appear angry. Bush called us the angry left. Did you see anyone in Denver who was angry?

BARTLET Well ... let me think. ...We went to war against the wrong country, Osama bin Laden just celebrated his seventh anniversary of not being caught either dead or alive, my family’s less safe than it was eight years ago, we’ve lost trillions of dollars, millions of jobs, thousands of lives and we lost an entire city due to bad weather. So, you know ... I’m a little angry.

OBAMA What would you do?

BARTLET GET ANGRIER! Call them liars, because that’s what they are. Sarah Palin didn’t say “thanks but no thanks” to the Bridge to Nowhere. She just said “Thanks.” You were raised by a single mother on food stamps — where does a guy with eight houses who was legacied into Annapolis get off calling you an elitist? And by the way, if you do nothing else, take that word back. Elite is a good word, it means well above average. I’d ask them what their problem is with excellence. While you’re at it, I want the word “patriot” back. McCain can say that the transcendent issue of our time is the spread of Islamic fanaticism or he can choose a running mate who doesn’t know the Bush doctrine from the Monroe Doctrine, but he can’t do both at the same time and call it patriotic. They have to lie — the truth isn’t their friend right now. Get angry. Mock them mercilessly; they’ve earned it. McCain decried agents of intolerance, then chose a running mate who had to ask if she was allowed to ban books from a public library. It’s not bad enough she thinks the planet Earth was created in six days 6,000 years ago complete with a man, a woman and a talking snake, she wants schools to teach the rest of our kids to deny geology, anthropology, archaeology and common sense too? It’s not bad enough she’s forcing her own daughter into a loveless marriage to a teenage hood, she wants the rest of us to guide our daughters in that direction too? It’s not enough that a woman shouldn’t have the right to choose, it should be the law of the land that she has to carry and deliver her rapist’s baby too? I don’t know whether or not Governor Palin has the tenacity of a pit bull, but I know for sure she’s got the qualifications of one. And you’re worried about seeming angry? You could eat their lunch, make them cry and tell their mamas about it and God himself would call it restrained. There are times when you are simply required to be impolite. There are times when condescension is called for!

OBAMA Good to get that off your chest?

BARTLET Am I keeping you from something?

OBAMA Well, it’s not as if I didn’t know all of that and it took you like 20 minutes to say.

BARTLET I know, I have a problem, but admitting it is the first step.

OBAMA What’s the second step?

BARTLET I don’t care.

OBAMA So what about hope? Chuck it for outrage and put-downs?

BARTLET No. You’re elite, you can do both. Four weeks ago you had the best week of your campaign, followed — granted, inexplicably — by the worst week of your campaign. And you’re still in a statistical dead heat. You’re a 47-year-old black man with a foreign-sounding name who went to Harvard and thinks devotion to your country and lapel pins aren’t the same thing and you’re in a statistical tie with a war hero and a Cinemax heroine. To these aged eyes, Senator, that’s what progress looks like. You guys got four debates. Get out of my house and go back to work.

OBAMA Wait, what is it you always used to say? When you hit a bump on the show and your people were down and frustrated? You’d give them a pep talk and then you’d always end it with something. What was it ...?

BARTLET “Break’s over.”

Today, Barack Obama's campaign purchased 30-Minutes of CBS air time on October 29th.  

Not quite the 2-hour Christmas Special Bartlett suggested, but maybe we'll find out Michelle's pregnant.

We Interrupt Your Football Sunday To Bring You These Messages

General Patreaus wrote the book on counterinsurgiancies. Literally.

In the section dedicated to military activities, "that do not involve killing insurgants", Patreaus called "information operations" "critical".

The Washington Post ran an article Friday titled, "U.S. to Fund Pro-American Publicity in Iraq" that outlines a $300 Million Defense Department initiative to expand and consolidate "information/ psychological operations".

Regardless of where we argue you can find the frontline of the War on Terror, in all likelyhood, the real frontline is the Middle Eastern Propaganda War.

The Four Companies awarded with contracts are; SOS International, Washington-based Lincoln Group, Alexandria-based MPRI, and Los Angeles-based Leonie Industries. I encourage you to tour their websites.

Very disturbing stuff.

I was worried when I saw "Los Angeles-based" that Leonie Industries might be a "Wag the Dog" type film company and decided to focus my research there.

The trick with all propaganda is that the audience can't know it is listening to a sales pitch. How does Leonie Industries tackle that objective?

"Our communications products are designed to appeal to local audiences. By leveraging existing relationships with sports and entertainment celebrities, prominent regional companies, and business and political leaders, Leonie Industries delivers messages through credible voices with a local feel."

Sports. Entertainment. Celebrities. Prominent companies. Business leaders. Politicians. (Christ, you left out Religion!)

To steal from Chuck Pahlaniuk, "I am the dull sinking feeling in Sue's stomach."

Each of these entities leverage our lives in their own unique way (Don't ask me about fantasy baseball).

But to hear them mentioned in the same sentance is totally... undignified.

Especially when you consider how a marketing company like Leonie gets so good at what it does.

(By practicing on us.)

The article further points out, "While U.S. law prohibits the use of government money to direct propaganda at U.S. audiences, the "statement of work" included in the proposal, written by the U.S. Joint Contracting Command in Iraq, notes the need to "communicate effectively with our strategic audiences (i.e. Iraqi, pan-Arabic, International, and U.S. audiences) to gain widespread acceptance of [U.S. and Iraqi government] core themes and messages."

Widespread acceptance.

Has Western Culture ever looked so good?

What a bunch of horseshit.

Enjoy your game.

John McCain Says "Fuck You" To Michigan

"Country First" just became "Politics First".

When John McCain pulled the plug on his campaign in Michigan, he turned his back on one of the most troubled states in America. Why?

Because he's a gambler. And a gambler's Mantra is always, "Know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em."

John McCain took his chips off the table in Michigan. He redistributed them in Maine. He is rolling the dice on ONE electoral vote.

Marc Ambinder at Atlantic Monthly describes the numbers behind McCain's shift. He explains that if everything goes as planned and Obama wins every state Kerry won plus Iowa, New Mexico and Nevada-- the electoral college will be tied at 269.

Maine divides its four electoral votes by county and then offers an additional two to whoever wins the state. McCain sees an opening to win one additional delegate and take the nomination.

McCain might be consider Maine the ace up his sleeve, but did he consider that it would come across as 'Fuck You' to Michigan?

The Obama camp should pounce on the symbolism of his actions:

"The Maverick is either scared of a fight, or puts Politics first."

Maybe McCain is staging a bluff and thinks he can still pull out Michigan if enough Democrats stay home. Maybe he wants Howard Dean wasting time in Maine so he can tinker with Pennsylvania and Ohio. Maybe McCain's only getting warmed up, and the really weird and desperate stuff is yet to come.

30 days and counting. Keep you head on a swivel.

Bailout Leaves Some Quivering, Others Consult Inner-Fletcher

Nothing beats an Iowa Pork Chop Sandwich. Last weekend, I had made it back to my alma-mater for the Homecoming game. There were many highlights throughout the day, but really, it was all about the Pork Chop sandwiches. (What is it about context that exponentially improves pork?)

* * *

All those butterflied Pork sandwiches were good preparation for the debate over the $700 Billion bailout plan. Before it passed, the Republican Congressional opposition highlighted some of its newly aquired "Pork".

And my mouth began to water.

For fun, I targeted the $2 Million earmarked for "wooden arrows for kids".

Essentially, two Oregon Senators lobbied to get Yes votes from three Oregon Congressmen by inserting a provision that will repeal a 43-cent excise tax on blunt-nosed wooden arrows distributed as training tools to children by the Myrtle Point, OR based manufacturer 'Rose City Archery'.

In business since 1932, Rose City Archery distributes the "kiddie-arrows" as training tools for the next generation of archers, and "don't make a penny" on them. The 43-cent tax would still apply to all their big-boy Arrows used by game hunters. But the savings would allow them to "compete with foreign arrow makers".

Does all that mean Rose City Archery was worth saving? I don't know.

* * *

I have something of one foot in the city, and one out in the country. I live on the West Side of Chicago, but as mentioned, went to school and still spend a lot of vacation time in Iowa.

This "Rurban" lifestyle gives me a nice balance. I feel comfortable in the concrete jungle and in a cornfield.

But the price for this balance is less than total immersion in either lifestyles. By dividing my time, I knowingly divide myself. Every now and then, I feel cheated: There are some things I am resigned to just never fully understand. Appreciate, yes. Understand fully, no.

That said, I spoke to my college roommate today. Mike lives in Iowa and understands those things that I don't. We talked about the Bailout and he mentioned, of all things, that he was sharpening his arrow heads.

His thinking? "Don't know how bad it'll get (Chuckle) but while everyone's shitting down their leg, I'm gonna go out and kill a Buck or three and feed my family."

No money for meat. No money for shotgun shells even. But there'll always be arrows. Which is great, as long as you know how to use them.

I didn't ask if he uses wooden shafts. (He once strangled a deer with his bare hands). But many of the alternatives are made from oil-byproducts. Which by proxy makes Rose City Wooden Arrows-- made from fine Port Orford cedar-- a symbol of American resilience and survival. Especially pertinent in these coming lean times.

* * *

Rose City Archery, and the arrows it manufactures, just might represent the skills and values we've lost as the generations have migrated from farm to city. But now it is saved, and maybe one day we'll look back at a generation of self sufficient Bow-Hunters who learned their trade using Rose City tax-free arrows.

I'm yet to sit in a tree stand and shoot a bow in the direction of an animate object. But I do know Venison is good eats. And depending on the context... so is Pork.

.

(There, I did my part. Its up to someone else to explain the $192 Million for Rum and $100 Million for NASCAR.)

UFF DA!

Let's pour another Glug and toast each other "Skoal!". That's the way Norwegians do it. And it appears we're all looking very Scandinavian lately.

No, not in the way that appealed to Hitler.. Instead, I'm talking about the comparison many analysts are now making between our current financial mess the Scandinavian Economic melt down of the early 1990's.

According to the Norges, Swedes, and Fins, the way out of this is basically Socialism. (And even then we're looking at a legitimate half-decade recession).

Which would be better of course, than the full on, Japan-style Lost-Decade. (Made worse by the procrastination and inaction of their Government).

In other news, video game sales are expected to stay strong as folks stay home in an attempt to get the most bang for their entertainment buck.

"Uh, Hi. My name is Sue, and I am a recovering Grand Theft Auto junkie..."

Video Games? Great.

Every time a new GTA video game is announced my pits start to drip (coldly, down my shanks) as I recall the college semester I lost playing "GTA: 3". And the time I quit my job for "Vice City".

I thought were trying to avoid the lost Decade, not veer (from the couch, with sore thumbs) towards it...

On the other hand, maybe this is just the thing America needs to reestablish its core values.

Unravelling John McCain's Decision Making Process

We played a lot of Texas Hold 'Em there for awhile. Like Harley Davidson's and breast implants, when things were good, it was the thing to do. All the rage.

Yet in all the hands in all the games we ever played, only once did any of us get the luckiest hand of all, The Royal Flush. The odds of getting a Royal Flush are 649,739-to-1.

And I was the one. (Don't we all believe we're the one at some point?)

In the background that night was the movie 'Lucky Number Slevin' as I danced around Drew's basement taking self-righteous camera-phone pictures of my luckiness.

The plot twists in 'Lucky Number Slevin' are based on a classic confidence game known as "The Kansas City Shuffle". A simple con man's game of misdirection summarized as, "When everyone's looking right, you look left."

Tonight, 60 Minutes interviewed both candidates. John McCain showed his hand three times:

1. John McCain's use of the term "Ponzi Scheme" to summarize his thoughts on the troubled economy. A Ponzi Scheme? I had to look it up. Apparently, it promises huge returns, preys on investor naivete and is described as similar to (but slightly different than) a Pyramid Scheme, a Bubble (or the "greater fool" theory), and our very own U.S. Social Security System.

2. When asked if he thought Sarah Palin was ready to be President, John McCain said, "Absolutely," as he glanced slightly to his left. Asked again McCain said, "Absolutely," and glanced to the left again. Thanks to Cosmo Magazine, my wife-- and every woman in America-- knows what it means when men look to the left. The Bastard's lying, girlfriend.

3. At the conclusion of the interview, John McCain described himself as "the luckiest person you will ever be around." Interesting and troubling description of yourself-- when you're running for President. Did a little research and found this Washington Post article from the 2000 primary, among others, which explain that John McCain is ridiculously superstitious. Basically he might as well run as the "Lucky Feather" candidate.

From those three tells, we can read this:

1. John McCain was a long shot, his campaign was out of money, dead in the water and back in the polls. He needed to get lucky. He needed something big. He looked for an opportunity. He pulled a textbook Kansas City Shuffle.

He decided to back the wildly unpopular Troop Surge in Iraq. It is one huge reason why he is the Republican nominee today. I guarantee you (because he talks about it non-stop) McCain considers this one of the finest feathers in his Lucky cap.

2. John McCain lied when he said Sarah Palin is ready to be President. He said it with his eyes. But the hype of naming her his Vice President is, to him, further proof of his incredible luck. Yet another Maverick/ Kansas City Shuffle. You look right, I'll looked left.

3. The antithesis to the "Ponzi Scheme" is the "Value Investment". Essentially, instead of the Ponzi belief that a piece of crap might be overpriced but "a greater fool" will buy it at an even higher price, the Value Investment is the belief in finding a great investment at an undervalued price.

The Value Investment was perfected by Warren Buffett, CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, the richest man in the world, and supporter of Barack Obama. One share of Berkshire Hathaway stock sells for $125,000, the highest-price on the NYSE. And BTW, in 2003, Buffett called mortgage-backed securities, "financial weapons of mass destruction". This guy knows what he's doing, and it doesn't involve luck.

Conclusion: Whereas Barack Obama has the support of the greatest living economic mind in the world, John McCain is recklessly living out the con-man principles of his personal superstitions by betting that America is 'the Greater Fool' to his Lucky Feather.

And that's from one lucky bastard to another.

The Sarah Palin Mistake-- Too Late For Romney?

The New Republic posted an article today spelling out how Sarah Palin is Dan Quayle 2.0.

In less than a week, the selection of Sarah Palin as John McCain's running mate has officially become a terrible miscalculation. The status of her bubble is precarious.

A week ago, the mistake was supposed to be the choice of Joe Biden instead of Hilary. But that was a shortsided knee-jerk attempt to force Obama to second guess himself.

But with the Palin wave losing steam, now more than ever, the Biden choice appears the sober, pragmatic and wise.

Further highlighting the poor judgement behind the Sarah Palin choice is Issue #1: The economy.

Mitt Romney would have provided McCain the kind of economic expertise and legitimacy of judgement he now painfully lacks. The kind of expertise that could have helped McCain run the country, not just win an election.

'Country First', right John?

Maverick my foot. You want to be a real Maverick, own up to your mistake and ditch Eagleton 2.0 for someone a little more stable.

I like IKE

Much has been made of the fact that Hurricane Gustav helped the Republicans because it kept 'W' away, among other things.

This time, Hurricane Ike helps the Democrats. First, just as every September 11th will remind us of 9/11, all hurricanes remind us of Katrina. We just can't get the catch phrases of debacle out of our collective mind. "Mission Accomplished". "Heck of Job, Brownie".

As far as the news cycle, I think everyone wins. Things slow down when the media is forced to cover a slow moving Hurricane. Reporters are actually given a moment to come up for air. Perhaps take a step back. Perhaps follow up on all the leads in that Anne Kilkenny email. Fact check the flub coming out of Palin's mouth.

Thus better reporting.

Given the media-lull of a major storm, I'm anticipating the surge of political stories that rip into Sarah Palin. The first hint of what's on the horizon for her is the MSNBC article titled, "Palin's Bubble: To Bulge or Burst?"

I have decided to NOT read this article. Why? Because with the daily hemorrhage of news-- and in light of what happened last week to United Airlines,-- the best way to gain the composite pulse of America is to only the read Headline (if that).

Especially true when a headline suggests there exists such a thing as, "Palin's Bubble".

Average Americans know what a Bubble is.

You don't need to read about it when you could write the damn thing. You've lived through the "Dot Com" bubble. The "Real Estate" Bubble. The "Beanie Baby" Bubble. And the "Britney Spears" Bubble.

Ultimately, we know what the Media does to all bubbles. Like a toddler chasing bubbles on a backyard sugar high -- they Pop them. With merciless glee.

Less than a week ago, I myself jigged gleefully atop the popped remnants of the Tom Brady (and Boston by proxy) bubble. The moment their tide has gone out, we armchair quarterbacks love to sack the Superstars and Cinderellas we've created.

It might be a bit evil, but it makes life interesting.Now, it is only a matter of time before Sarah Palin's Bubble bursts. It may bulge a bit more, and it may already be too late. Regardless, the Pop has already begun by the mere suggestion that she has a Bubble-- to Pop.

Next they'll uncover a few dark secrets, and get to the bottom of her blatant lies. Then, someone will probably post a picture of Sarah Palin's cellulite, or worse-- crotch.

From there, the flood gates are open.

Madness? This is Politics!

Newsweek once wrote that Dick Cheney's idealized version of himself is Burt Reynold's character from 'Deliverance' (Spectacularly full of himself and tragically poor in judgement).

In the book, "The Greatest Story Ever Sold" Frank Rich explains that Politics is simply a matter of who can package and deliver the better story.

The McCain-Palin idealized version of self-- and the story they are trying to sell to the voters in 2008-- is that of Frank Miller's '300'.


McCain as the Warrior King, his Hardcore Queen Palin, and a damn Southside Liberal about to get kicked into a hole (someone has a cheeky temper).

The Backstory: As a child forced out on his own into the world, the hero is ultimately backed against the wall of a tiny cave. In his cave he finds the resolve to face-- and slay-- his fears. Based on this experience from his youth, the hero emerges ready to lead his people.

Meanwhile the world is in turmoil: As King, he rules with his gut but relies heavily on his Queen, who is even more hardcore than he. The way of the Spartan Warrior is hard, cold and ruthless, and she is all that, having no qualms about doing whatever it takes for the cause.

The Villain: The decadent Xerxes, tall and dark, promises basically nothing but massive orgies and a huge government. His million man "Persian" army clearly threatens the Spartan way of life.

The decadent Persian King, Obama, tall, dark, godly, with all those supporters behind him and that convincing rhetoric.

Ultimately: their numbers might be small, but they whoop it up, and their simple message of "Country First" sure is enthusiastic. The Spartans are never-say-die kinda group (until they all die) but for them its all about having a good story.

The story lives on: Told then, first to sell Congress, and later to rouse the Army as they prepared to battle once more against Persia. Now the story is told again, the themes and grand overtures having been rewritten as McCain-Palin 2008.

Watch the movie again, then vote for yourself. But remember, Politics is about telling and selling stories.

Looking forward by looking back: Unfortunately, the Spartans in '300' were undone because they forgot to cover their ass... Undone and out-maneuvered by the type of person whom they discard and reject outright for being different . . . from their idealized version of self.

My Two Cents on The Lipstick Deal

Sarah Palin said the diference between a pitbull and a hockey mom was lipstick. Obama called McCain's economic plan akin to putting, "lipstick on a pig."

The Republican's demanded an apology.

Obama went on David Letterman and made fun of the whole thing.

But he got one thing wrong. He said "Lipstick on a Pig" is a common expression, "at least in Illinois".

Now my Grandfather, Granpa Joe, has a been an icon of "expressions" on the Western edge of Illinois for decades.

And his expression is, "It fits like a Saddle on a Sow."

Now imagine a Pig fitted with a saddle. It seems like a saddle would fit pretty good right?

Right.

But it is also pointless.

Like this argument.

Making It Black And White And Easy To Understand

Grasping for meaning and reading comments on Economist.com about Monday's Government seizure of mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, I came across this from "muggeridge".

"Somehow it still does not feel safe out there in the land of globalised trading as banks trade on mortgage debt according to their default potential. Betting on failure is not healthy for anyone...it should be banned immediately."

Upon reading that, I was taken back in time to a $20 crap table at the Las Vegas Aladdin. It was a family trip and someone decided we should go see the Steve Wyrick Magic show.

Both proved to be bad decisions. First, Steve Wyrick is an unconvincing magician. Second, when you only have $80 in your pocket, do not play the $20 table.

Be aware that at night in Vegas, the $5 tables go away. And that Craps is a game of critical mass. At its best a Crap table is overflowing with bets, breasts, and booze. Meaning = the table is packed. With lots of lady luck. And everyone's drunk.

Our $20 table had none of these qualities. But still, the "Magic Show" didn't start for awhile. And we needed some action to distract us from how terrible Aladdin's Castle was.

We started out decent enough. Getting drunk. Up a little. Then a loud group rolled in to occuppy the opposite side of the table. Which at first, looked like another step towards critical mass. But after a roll or two I realized the other side of the table was doing something very bad. Evil even.

They were betting against the table. They were betting the Don't Pass line.

I peered closely and realized the people at the end of the table were actually Vampires.
They were certainly sucking the life out to of the table. Cheering every time someone lost money. Then it was my turn to roll.

The placed huge gobs of chips in the nether regions of the table and waited for me to stake my meager existance on the Pass Line. (I swear one of the Vampires licked his sanguine lips while leaning in. Probably so he could breathe-deep the smell of fear emanating from my side of the table.)

Four was the point-- bad odds. And with the hissing snakes waiting for me; their open-collared shirts, sunken eyes and black intentions-- I might have had more momentum swimming against the rip-tide at La Jolla Beach.

The moment when you for the first time, truly respect the power of the Ocean-- is always violent. The Ocean flashes its utter dominance with such flippant ease that you are left unaware of your predicament until your body has already been jackhammered into the rippled sandy bottom.

Now you know how frantic feels and you fight like hell. Eventually, massaging your battered ego, thankful to be alive (also, truly, for the first time), you drag yourself safely to shore.
But my Vegas-buffet-garlic-breath was useless against the undead powers of evil that night in Aladdin's Castle. I crapped out.

Rolling the dice against evil did however show me a glimpse of something. That evil intentions are to be respected (vampires at the crap table and vampires in the stock pit, included). But not the way you respect the Ocean.

Seas swell. Tides come and go like Time itself. Sea-changes are made. These things you can not choose. Evil and Good are.

Ground Control To Major Tom

Hunter S. Thompson was a huge NFL football fan back in his day. But now whenever I read the passages where he mentions specific games in books or articles he seems so dated...

Nevertheless, like the Good Doctor, I can't help at times being totally enraptured (speaking in tongues, foaming at the mouth, shaking spastically) by the Sporting event of the day.

Especially now when I can't help but ask the question: What exactly is it about football; High School, College, NFL, and ultimately, Fantasy Football which has America strapped utterly by the Nuts?

Evolution? Tribalism? Boredom? Whatever.

No time for that now... The 2008 season has opened with a litany of self-important stories and I guarantee you there's too-big a pile of money on the line to bother with such questions.

A sizable portion of which--lies on the injured knee of Tom Brady.

Tom Brady.

What is... or ever has been... more American... than this Fucking Guy?

Consider the resume:
-Multiple= Super Bowl Championships x3.
-Gained= favor of adoring fans worldwide
-Gained= favor of Republican President of the United States with invitation to and recognition during the State of The Union Address, 2004.
-Cleft Chin, WASP, tall, handsome.
-Ability= to get best not only out of himself, but the bratty talent around him.
-Multiple= bedded Hottest women on the planet.
-Near perfection= 18-1 record, most TD's thrown in history, 2007.

Tom Brady.

What do the Republicans have on you? You sonofabitch.

..."And yet... Even after he shattered his knee, he didn't give up... He kept fighting. Fighting for the American People. That they too... may rise and face the challenges set before them... And that they too, may someday at least Hope to bed the Hottest Brazilian women on the face of the planet..."

...I'm Tom Brady, And I Impregnate, This Message.

Too Much Assonance In These Pants To Dance

Barack Obama announced today that Joe Biden will be his Vice President.

The ever-changing political landscape made his choice for V.P. a critical decision for Obama.

Pundits on NPR last night went so far as to describe this as, "a glimpse into Barack Obama's very soul." . . . Will he chose someone just for electability? How will this choice reflect his governing style? Does he want a "Yes" man? Is he afraid of people smarter than himself? What vulnerabilities will his choice acknowledge?

And of course, perhaps most importantly, will the Democratic ticket have the right ring to it?

Before we're through (with lunch), we'll probably have heard everything there is to know about Joe Biden. Here's what I know about Joe Biden: He gave a great speech in Iowa at the Jefferson Jackson Dinner back in November.

He began with some jokes about the Obama backers ("Hello Chicago!"), the Republicans all being converts and how he single-handedly tanked Rudi Guilliani's campaign with the truism, "every sentence out of his mouth has three things" (a noun, a verb, and 9/11).

He then got serious about the moment the U.S. and World find itself in. He maintained an optimistic, opportunistic, attitude.

Then he underscored everything with the classic close-with-a-quote. The stanza came from a poem he and Bill Clinton love, written by Irish Nobel Prize winning poet, Seamus Heaney:

"History says, Don't hope
on this side of the grave.
But then, once in a lifetime
the longed for tidal wave
of justice can rise up,
and hope and history rhyme."

(I immediately went and found the rest of the poem. And in the weeks that followed, began giving away copies to family and friends and posting it here on this blog.)

That in mind, one can only say that it looks like Joe Biden's wave has risen. And the pundits will tell you (basically... but in 87 different ways) that Joe Biden is the "history" to Barack Obama's "hope".

And yet, the word "hope" and the word "history" don't rhyme, do they? Is that a bad sign?
In a chapter titled "The Play of Language" in her book Poems, Poets, Poetry, Helen Vendler wrote,

"Readers are conscious of a sound effect when they hear two end-words rhyme; but poets are conscious of all the sounds in their lines, just as they are of the rhythms of a line. Poets "bind" words together in a line by having them share sounds, whether consonants (alliteration, as in "broken bread") or vowels (assonance, as in "when ... sessions". This makes the words sound as if they "belong" together by natural affinity."

jOe-Biden. O-Bama.

Say it with me. The effect is not conscious (until now), but with a poets awareness of sound, assonance and alliteration, it does indeed appear as though they belong together by some natural affinity.

Hope, History and Obama, Biden do rhyme. Literally.

And as the wave rises, the further shore looks reachable from here.